Mission: Happyness

Miss

2011-05-15T01:32:00.000+05:30

I seem to always tend to miss my blog and writing my thoughts on it when I have no words to say! Life was once fascinating for what it could present to a young mind. It was the exhilaration of walking into the unknown, getting to the treasure or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and the perpetually endless journey to the end that kept mankind on the invisible path. But it seems like life has a way of weighing down on people, forcing each one to be pessimistic and cynical about hope, hope of finding that pot of gold, however small it might be. One bright friend of mine said that you never draw the line between being optimistic and facing the reality that we might never reach the end of the rainbow. Is it better to be a person who has understood that this mad rush to the end in hope is nothing but an illusion and be a grouch? Or is it better to be a person who is filled with hope that there is the treasure we seek and be stupid to reality?

For a person who has no words to say, I do say a lot! Maybe I should have said that these aren't coherent thoughts at all in the first place!

London Dreams

2011-03-07T23:11:00.000+05:30

I am cringing about the fact that I have stolen Akshay Khanna's movie title for my post title but nothing better to describe this feeling within me. I am so happy that my heart's having this really big smile that my face can't even begin to exhibit. My last day at work was 28th Feb and the following day I was a goner. I was sitting at home, jobless and that was something I couldn't handle. But the minute I landed in London and saw the pretty blue lights that lit up the trees sans any leaves, I realized that Spring is right around the corner. It is the beginning of a new dream. London Dreams!

Bucket List Unfinished

2011-02-24T14:40:00.000+05:30

For the brief moment I spoke to one of my good friends, I realized that it is easier to look back – say the last ten years or lesser, say five years – and count at the things you had dreamt about doing and not done. Everyone has their bucket list but I think with increasing age and changing priorities the list is like life – never constant. So why fret about the things you haven’t done and list the things that you actually never thought would have entered “the-things-to-do-in-life-in-ten-years” and point out some that you have. I hope whoever is reading this can name at least 5! :-) Mine are as follows and by the way it is more difficult than you think. Why? Cause you have raised the bar high for yourself by doing great things :) pat yourself for that and cheers to many more…

1. I went to London to study – I never thought I could convince my mom, who was quite adamant that Indian education is much better
2. Paris/Egypt – Went to some of my dream destinations
3. Fell in love, fell out of it, got my heart broken, broke a heart and did one all over again
4. Business Journalism – of all the things the one thing I NEVER dreamed of is to become a part of the financial sector. And I love it!
5. Poetry – I was always in love with words. I tried my hand at prose. Theory is not my cup cake! Then all of a sudden there she was… My muse. And then to make life better, brighter and sun shiny I stumbled upon Emily Dickinson!

Change

2011-02-16T10:56:00.002+05:30

Most of us love change in its simplest form. A change in seasons, a change in clothes, and a change of jobs – we except, and sometimes even enjoy. Recently, my friend lost access to her blog, which she had created and come to love. However, it was not her first blog but her second. She was debating as to moving into her old blog or starting one afresh. I haven’t followed up with her regarding her decision, but that debate spun off a thought in my head.

Late last year, I created a new blog for a new beginning, a new direction a new me! I have written stuff that I like, I don’t like, I will miss, tell and never kiss, but it lacks the “real sense of me” -- an idealistic dreamer and a story teller -- who in an impulsive spree opened her own book, opened a book as an ode to her life. It was real, honest and even brutal sometimes. Well, most of the times. But the people I spoke about, tarnished or plain pointed fingers at understood why I wrote them. It was personal but it wasn’t me taking things personally. Every time I feel like writing a heart rendering post I run back to my old one. The new one is a pretty dress. The old one is me, sitting in front of a mirror finishing up a long day’s work, mascara running down my cheek along with tears, after a performance worthy of a standing ovation.

My Loose Rubber Band...

2011-02-04T14:05:00.001+05:30

The Rubber Band Method A way to rid yourself of negative thoughts (hopefully by now you have figured out that this is very important!). Place a rubber band around your wrist and snap it against your skin anytime a negative thought finds its way into your head. This classical conditioning technique associates a slight pain with negative thoughts like Pavlov associated food/salivation with the sound of a bell. Sounds a bit cruel at first but it only stings for a second, I promise. Plus the outcome, having only positive thoughts, far outweighs a little slap on the wrist here and there.Mine is near snapping!

Dying dream

2011-02-03T15:48:00.000+05:30

It is absolutely saddening to have a third person's view on your own life. You are in strife and sometimes the best thing to do is to remove yourself from that position and ask yourself, "if you were a friend and the friend needs help, how will you help her get out of it?" I have my answer and that answer is leading to the slow and harshly painful death of my dream.

I had made plans, plans for a life of togetherness, oneness, of laughter and joy. I had planned castles and the air was not enough place for them. I had plans to drive through the world in a Maserati but suddenly find myself on a Bajaj scooter. I realize it is also not so much about the dream cause we can build new ones, but it is the people in the dream that are hard to replace. The people die with the dream!

You who never arrived

2010-11-22T15:24:00.000+05:30

I am depressed. I read the below poem. It spoke to me, the person inside of me. The person who has all these feelings stuffed inside and a blatantly unrealizable wish that these words below were mine! I wish I could write like him. The poet - Rainer Maria Rilke

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of
the next moment. All the immense
images in me -- the far-off, deeply-felt
landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and
unsuspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-- , and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled, gave back my too-sudden image.
Who knows? Perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

Blue Frog

2010-10-20T15:05:00.000+05:30

I picked the Perfect day to move my lazy arse and travel in the rain till Lower Parel from New Bombay!

What an amazing, soul-filled, mind blowing show. I felt like I was in heaven. The minute Raul Midón walked on the stage for a second I think I underestimated the voice that was going to float out of his mouth. Grossly underestimated! The guitar, the strumming, the lyrics, the trumpet improv, the voice, the voice, the voice and the guy! He was a great entertainer.

After a point I did not remember the yummy French fries I had eaten two minutes ago or the silky smooth mojito in front of me, the whistling girl or the pony tail whiskey drinker. My eyes and ears were glued to him. It is a pity he couldn’t see the brilliant smiles that were flashing across the room but like he said in his lyrics – he could hear the smile on our face!

My favorites of the night, which I am still replaying in the morning on You Tube are:
- Sunshine
- Don't take it that way
- Everyone deserves a second chance
- State of Mind

Chakare, Chellam!

2010-10-07T14:38:00.002+05:30

Still.

The feet mildly tap the ground.

Carpeted floors and off-loaded shoes maintain the silence.

I am trying to focus on the words that my fingers are being instructed to write. But the high-pitched voice of the female tamil singer and somber, sultry voice of the male singer distract me. The headphones are vibrant with the rhythm and I am annoyed by the continuous distraction this is posing.

This is why perhaps, somewhere during the last decade, I stopped listening to tamil music. I can get through many English songs without missing a beat, while working, but tamil songs have something else and I know what it is.

For some reason, these tamil songs to me seem like they have more depth. In the love songs, in the sad numbers, in the dapankuthu. Some of the Hindi and English songs do have them but I can’t recall many with this kind of intensity.

May be it is also that when I see the Western civilization as a whole, largely their concept of love is very fluid. They get over emotions quickly, they change partners often. If it doesn’t work with one girl/guy there is always another. But I know down in South India, amidst that conservative society, to fall in love is quite a feat! In the movies, the hero has a tragic flaw and it is not always about status and money as it is mostly in the Hindi movies.

May be I am biased. The lyrics, to me, seem much more powerful in tamil than in English or Hindi. Each emotion has a parallel word and sweet nothings sound much sweeter in tamil.

Revisits

2010-10-05T17:32:00.001+05:30

I walked in to the same place I have been before. The unforgotten aroma of coffee beans, the slice of chocolate pastry, the same semi-burnt sandwich reminds me of the days of burgeoning friendship. Will she remember me? Will the conversion from cheap talc to expensive perfume deceive her real memories of me? Will the pointed noise from my stilettos drown out the earthly banter of my old sneakers? Will the spa-treated hands slip away from ours, tampered by the harsh sun?

I will walk skeptically

But I will not let go.

I need an answer

And I need it now.

I will show you forever

And I will show you how

Precious few

2010-04-05T20:57:00.000+05:30

I lost his five. The few things that I had of him are vanishing slowly. Death does not come quicker but separation came at sonic speeds...

I love you in the midnight

I love you in the sky

I love you everywhere

I love you till I die...

The five is among the Commons now. The precious few lost in the peripheral ...

I don't

2010-04-04T20:24:00.000+05:30

I feel cornered by my emotions. They are there, unwilling to budge, but I have applied grease for it to slide. This is not an easy task. I am trying to say these things out loud so that they go away. I am trying to accept things that I cannot change and to have the grace to accept events as they come.

My friend compared our sadness to people in Sudan who have a dearth of common amenities that we so easily take for granted, to a mother who suffers from cancer yet smiles knowing very well that each living day could as well be her last. But it does not help you separate your pain from your physical body or mental cognition. Stay positive, they say. Yes, I will but in an aspect that you wouldn't want me to. No, you wouldn't want that.

I have the wrappers
I have the 5 rupees
I have the blackness
I have the red tees
I have the handle
I have the shell
I have the song
I have the key
I have the sand
I have the watch
I have the train

But then I don't...

Fate's game in another

2010-03-30T20:54:00.000+05:30

Here is the scenario.

- An IPL tournament, 8 teams with different captains, leading a set of the World's greatest batsmen, each in their own right having the power to turn a match around.

- The top three teams are in place for the semi-finals and vying for the last and fourth slot are two teams. One of the two teams temporarily holds the spot as they have finished with all the rounds in the preliminary games.

- Now, the second team which could displace team A, if wins their last prelim game will get into the semis but if the other team, team B is playing wins, team A will remain in the top four as team B will not have sufficient points.

- Team A's fate lies in the hands of Team B and its opponent Team C.

If you, in life, are making all your decisions, all the rules that you will follow to the T, how does a self made person be able to accept that your fate lies in another person's hand, his decision, his mind frame, his competence?

I realized that many times in life fear stops a person from doing a certain deed which he thinks is important but how do you manage a situation like this?

I have always tried to make my own decisions, however much I consult others, the end decision has been mine. But there have been circumstances, many as of late, is not in my hands. I am a control freak and this is freaking me out...

I cannot bully people into doing somethings, I cannot sweet talk them either. There must be some way. And mind you prayer or bribery is not an option!

Cheers!

2010

2010-01-03T23:14:00.002+05:30

Ok, this is weird. I havent written one post in ages... I havent been excited about writing in a long time. Other than the fact that I write when I am at work, I havent made the time to write! And I know that it aint doing good for my progress. I first of all dunno where I need to make progress... where am I progressing to? I am not a teenager any more and I need to know, a ball park figure once again, where I see myself ten years from now...

I know this is the field I want to be in. Its more a need, to do better, to get that news first, that urge to write better. I know that I need to be in Health. Tricky! Lovely... I mean, no where else but here!!! But where from noew???

Man I cannot think more convoluted stuff!!! :) I am enjoying 2010. I am getting back to being the crazy girl I was. Before the change, which I thought was for the good!! nope.... I am ray of sunshine who wants to bunjee jump although I am petrified of heights and might never live to tell the tale. I want to swim with the sharks. Like FOR REAL! :) I am ready 2010... 2009 was just a hog wash!!!

Beat u to the Mayan calendar! :)

Twilight - And now the movies series!

2009-11-27T18:50:00.002+05:30

There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night

-Bella Swan

Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?

- Edward Cullen

OK! So you guys already know that I loved the Twilight book series. I was kind of hell bent on not watching the movie cause I remember Robert Pattinson only as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. I have nothing against him playing different roles but Edward "Perfect" Cullen is not him! I keep repeating and I would say the same even after watching and liking the movie - You should see the Edward Cullen in my head! Robert Who wouldn't stand a bloody chance!

Anyway, at the beginning of the movie I couldn't get why Robert is playing Edward but somewhere in the middle of the movie he started to grow on me and at the end of it, I had accepted him as Edward of the screens! There are some parts of the movie that I would love to see again in the theatre. The effect and cinematography in certain scenes are amazing! The part where he carries her and runs and the way they have ripped the concept of a romantic date into teeny tiny bits when they show the view from the top. I did not consider myself as a romantic person until I read the books and I am sure there much better romantic novels out there, published that I should be ashamed that I figured it out with THIS book! But I am not and I am gladly passing judgement saying I thank God it wasn't Mills & Boons. :)

Both the lead actors can't act if they are told to in a particular way but if it's a natural sequence then they are quite believable. For example, when Bella Swan is made to sit near Edward Cullen in Bio class and he is desperately trying to keep away from her and her smell. He looks constipated! As if he HAS TO GO right then and there but with some sheer force he is holding it in! But then he looks peaceful when he asks Bella to come over to his place and he puts his arm around her in the school. Bella on the other hand, who also cannot act very well, is all over the place. The book has the support of words to explain minute emotions but in a movie with no background narration, her desperation, her desire, her unmanageable craving for Edward is just not expressed. Dead Pan Expression! But on the whole, I really liked the movie. I guess die-hard fan of the book mushed me into not being able to unlike the movie! Sigh!

Nothing beats a good romantic movie AND a Vamp... I am so there baby! :)

My living Place

2009-11-10T23:54:00.000+05:30

I haven’t lived in many cities in the quarter years of my life, but the one thing that I have figured out is that I want to live in a city where I do not feel any inhibition or the lack of motivation to walk around aimlessly. It is a personal feeling of choice that I am talking about here. I realised that I will not be able to walk around Chennai just for the heck of it, after barring the weather effect on me. Even on the shores of the beach, I wouldn’t want to walk by myself. There is something unappealing and appalling about that idea. Whereas, in Bangalore, it is definitely about the familiarity of the city that pumps me up.

London was the place I found this concept to be true in my case. I am not a wanderer. I am not an explorer. My hand would probably be the last one to shoot up if anyone suggested a walk around the place. But after the “tourist visit” of the city was over, I was so comfortable walking by myself, with no rhyme or reason. I would have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to meet, be alone, and feel like the last person standing, or rolling on the grass, on earth but still be fine with my environment. I have need to live in a place where I can be, just be.

Tense

2009-10-26T00:06:00.000+05:30

Lust and Committment are single tense

2009-10-20T18:03:00.001+05:30

It’s just hard!

One-O-One

2009-09-29T23:50:00.003+05:30

I am changing... Very slowly. I can feel it now more than ever. The things I used to do, now give me no joy and the things I said are kept under a tight leash. For one, I used to shower upon my loved ones the phrase "I love you." Either with family or the person I am in love with (Note: in Love at the moment) or friends whom I dearly love and adore. But now those words stuggle to leave my mouth. Its like I dont feel it, I dont say it and the funniest part is that I havent felt like telling it to anyone in ages. Am I full of myself right now? May be? Do I want to be this way? May be not! I dont like this cat on the wall phase that I am in. Infuriating!!!

(P.s. I also think I am beginning to like mush! but that does not account for corny teenage one liners.. thats just unpardonable. I should have named this bloody introspection one O one)

Just a small one that I thought I should write:

What is love that hath no kisses,
caresses of the finger tips
what is love that hath no rhymes,
mimicry of a poet's times
what is love that hath no distance,
a blatant debalcle of desparation
what is love that hath no question,
its answer contained within.

Tattoos

2009-09-29T00:09:00.004+05:30

Basically, I would love to get these two, or either one of the two tattoos on my back. I think they look cute. But I wonder if there is any other tattoo that I would really want on me?!?! For now, one of these!

Interospection 2

2009-09-15T22:31:00.000+05:30

After 24 years of living, I have just realised that I don’t know myself completely. I have very recently figured out that if I get obsessed with something I can go on and on about it! Ok well, I knew that already but here is the deal and this one is new. I never thought I could be possessive about some person because I always knew I was important to them. But this time, even though I know that I could potentially be a person of importance in their life, I felt possessive about them. It just did not feel right, it did not feel me!

Sand

2009-08-28T00:31:00.000+05:30

What am I doing here? I really have no idea… This whole career plan, life’s plan is sucking the living life out of me.

I want to scream and shout,

Cry and pout

Life seems like a goner,

Every time I turn a corner

Younger kids they already know

Not swinging to and fro

By far a mile I land

Scratches and bruises my head stuck in sand

Ok I can’t write more.

Shower

2009-08-25T22:17:00.002+05:30

This is just plain ridiculous. A shower curtain with a picture of Robert Pattison’s face!

It is the first time I wish that I could really draw well. I would have tried to paint the guy, who is Edward Cullen, in my head and THEN people will know the difference.

Oh well, if they don’t I have Edward Cullen in my shower! J

The Angel’s Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

2009-08-12T18:34:00.002+05:30

Carlos Ruiz Zafon, the author of The Shadow of the Wind, has churned out another one which is quite similar to his previous one. Shrouded in Zafon’s signature mystery, the story weaves around the life of a writer, his unrequited love life, la femme de la vie, his protective mentor (and for good reason), Barcelona, magic and books. Let me tell you the Devil IS in the detail. Given all this, I still don’t think I have blurted out all the nuances contained within the book.

Maybe I expected more from the book, or maybe it was on similar lines of the prequel, I again found Zafon’s ending to completely fall flat against the great beginnings that he writes. My reviews on books are totally personal and I suggest the reader not take my word to judge it because I have had the best sellers, Pulitzer Prize winners cradled in my hands but unable not to finish them. However, I bought this book for the simple fact that I wanted reassurance that there are some authors’ books that I will never be able to keep down before finishing it, prolong sleepless nights to get to the last word in the last page and he did not betray my hope. I loved the book, I loved the angst a writer goes through. I loved the fact that I went out bought this book and obsessed about it.

Bear Hug

2009-07-23T00:22:00.000+05:30

This is the cutest thing I have seen in ages!!! Lion gives bear hug

Straight shot

2009-07-21T23:39:00.001+05:30

I don’t remember this happening ever in my life. The odds were really stacked up against me. Me being in Bangalore, that is, until today! I was riding on my scooter to Alliance Francaise in VasanthNagar when this joy bringing event occurred. As the event began to unfurl I wanted it to go on… Continue… and break a record. More like, make one! May be I have clocked these sort of timings in Chennai or may be that was also wishful thinking.

First was the “green shoot” near the Tamil Church, the immediate next one near Vellara junction. The red as I was nearing it shifted to green and let me pass through. The signal right before the turn into Residency road, I am positive I jumped the signal there because I did not want to break the flow :) – of traffic that is :).

Four signals straight and I did not have to stop for neither the signal nor the traffic and this was at 1 PM in the afternoon when everyone suddenly pops out of their respective offices for lunch.

This is a first and due credit shall be given! :)

New Moon

2009-07-17T02:14:00.002+05:30

No no no!!! Jacob looks like a Hispanic not a boy in the Reservation!!!

and DONT get me started on Pattinson! Do you know HOW good Edward Cullen looks in my head???

uugghh!!! I did not feel this way about any Harry Potter characters or any other book!! But this one is like Torturous love...

Vamped

2009-07-14T00:06:00.003+05:30

The small town of Forks in Washington State, in which Stephanie Meyers ignited the eternal passion between the Vampire Edward Cullen and petit belle Bella Swan, is now the new Roswell, New Mexico when the alleged UFOs crashed in 1947. Garnished with the Cullen House and topped off with a bunch of dishes named with characters from the book, this town has been vamped!

(LOVE the series, love the book cover [– Forbidden Fruit indeed] )

Transformers

2009-07-12T23:53:00.002+05:30

Oh Boy!!!

its been long since I saw a good film. Well, its been weeks at least! I loved this part of Transformers. I did see the first one, really late. I mean I saw it on tv. So the sequel came faster than I had to wait. I am happy that I dint have to wait for a longer period of time. And like one of my friend's friend said, I wish I was in an old theatre where I can hoot and shout during a movie.

The whole movie experience has become so personal. I loved it when we invaded personal space. Without obviously the gropping men or the ones who try really hard to play footsie sitting in a seat behind you. Anyway, other than the fact that I would have liked the theatre to have more noise or volume when the Autobots fought, the movie was a mixture of Bollywood masala, action and a few laughs (really well placed ones). Then it had the age old hope of the Egyptians having secrets that would finally be revealed to human kind -- the present. The more I look at Egypt, the Pyramids, Edfu temple, etc the more I want to go back there and learn more about their history. This is one of the few things in life I realised that I cannot get enough of!!! :)

Let me end this post this way... I LOVE BUMBLE BEE!!! :)

Interospection

2009-07-11T03:55:00.001+05:30

Introspection

I am insecure.

I am possessive.

I am hopeless.

I am done.

Someone save me from me!

ONO

2009-07-07T00:54:00.000+05:30

I obsess. A lot! But I don’t like obsessing. For me, it means trying to, or trying for something that I know that I might not get. This means I am in denial. And how can anyone be in denial if they know that what they think is reality is not it?

I am highly annoyed with what life has got staring at my face right now. I have always made my life decisions on my own terms. I did, once, deviate. But that did not last long and I hope this one doesn’t too. My younger cousin sister, my first cousin, is getting engaged next month. I am very happy for her and I am sure that I am not ready for marriage right now so I am glad that I am not in her shoes. I am, which I cannot completely deny, jealous of her. She and many of my friends hail from families who are orthodox, who wanted them to conform to a particular set rules, to follow their parents lead and most of all – not to fall in love with some one be it from the same cast, sect or otherwise. And, in the end, these are the same girls who found love and married a guy without their parents’ complete blessings.

I don’t think I had that problem, given the fact that my parents had a marriage of their own accord. They have always given me the freedom and believed that I would make the right choice as I have done with many other paths in my life. But, here I am stuck with the cruel truth that it has come down to letting my parents choose the guy I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I cannot, just cannot accept that I have to let my parents take the decision for me. Or even give me the options. I feel I have always created my options. Did I want to do Engineering? Or Journalism? Those two were my options for my life. Did I want to continue with biology or take Computer science, was a decision I gave myself to take. So I am just not able to digest this and hence I don’t feel like getting hitched to someone who my parents bring home.

Grrrr….. freaking pissed!

ONO

Q n A

2009-07-03T01:55:00.002+05:30

I think for once in my life I am really lost.

I usually have options. May be most of the times the choices are:

a. Not lucrative

b. Lucrative combined with the ones that are not and most often than not I would be in the situation where I am forced down with the choice that I don't want to make.

But this time I am in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to go. I don't want to be in the place I am neither do I, will I be able to move from where I am!

I am for once making sense, in my opinion but that, in this case, is not helping me one damn bit! I think its me. I cannot manage to sit in one place for too long.

Interesting find n question: If I cannot stay in one place for long, then what work should I be doing?

Who put India on the map in Egypt?

2009-06-09T21:29:00.001+05:30

Who put us on the map?

- - Amitabh Bachchan did.

I am astounded at the number of people who knew Amitabh Bachchan and more shocked that people in Egypt saw Bollywood movies. Although, I really shouldn’t be surprised as the “jhatkas” and “matkas” have made waves through out the world. These were normal people in the market place, trying to sell you their goods and their strategy was to call out Amitabh Bachchan’s name. My tour guide warned us about this. He told us that they are out to sell things to you and say his name out loud to catch your attention. But I was initially plagued by the misconception that I might find one or two guys who would do this. No! Every single person!

It would, although, be wrong on my part if I said his name was the solely reigned as their inviting tactics. Ofcourse king Khan was there and so was Rani Mukherjee. My mom had one guy come up to her, did a Namaste and said “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.” All we could do was smile back. And then there was one odd guy (one really odd guy more like it) who called out Sonia Gandhi’s name.By Go, if someone had said Deepika Padukone’s name, I would have gagged!

Any who, I did in the end fall for it. Shopping therapy obviously!

Acceptance and the Cut

2009-06-08T00:51:00.003+05:30

What if the same friends who pledged to listen to you turn deaf to your words?

The most important friends, or the friends whom I consider my best friends have no clue about the trip I just had. What happened, where I went, how the weather there was, did I have a good time? Nothing.

It infuriates me that they don't care enough to want to know. But then may be these things bore them. They don't want to know what I did. What would they get out of it? And that too when they don't consider it interesting or what I did there.

I also think that I have shut down. A lot!!! I like myself this way... Upsetting to know that I love "aloneness"!!! :) my word.... I don't care to elaborate to people who don't want to listen. I spoke about myself to a total stranger on the trip because she wanted to listen. To me, to what I did, what I like, how I prepare for a vacation... Study about the civilization, to know before going and visiting the place.

Now, I am stuck. Between loving my loneliness and getting irritated with the callousness. I am unable to tell them that I need to put an end to this. Which does mean amicably part as friends who were... And there I am put in a pickle -- my inner voice of fear -- I am scared of pity. I cannot explain that feeling. Pity.

I know why some men and women move away from their friends when they find love. You want to spend every waking moment with the one you love. I found love, my passion. It is isolating, cause its within me. Words! Mine, to myself, to the world, to love, to life and to the soul.

And then I think maybe I don't want to accept that I am not that important in my friends' lives. Its not because they shut me out but it is just because life takes you in different paths. You can never know everything about each other any more. I know where I belong but the strings are of various lengths... I should'nt be complaining either. I am more detached than I thought and my promises of being for the other .. I have not been able to keep up!

I think I need a change. Serious change. There is a certain negative aura... Reasons are just that.. reasons! Not solutions...

People born on May 22

2009-05-22T20:49:00.001+05:30

Alexander Pope: English Poet 1688

Arthur Conan Doyle: British Physician and Writer (Sherlock Holmes not Jurassick Park... dunno what I was thinking!!!) 1859

Harvey Milk: American Politician and civil rights activist 1930

Hergé: Belgian comic book creator (Tin-Tin) 1907

Naomi Campbell: English model and actress 1970

Ram Mohan Roy: Hindu Reformer 1772

I wonder why I have never tried to find this information before… With my uncertain path for the future, I am just glad that I found it today. These are people who I look up to. Not Naomi Campbell or Harvey Milk, but definitely Conan Doyle and Pope. I have been to Belgium and seen the comic book museum from the outside (we were late!!!) and I loved it. Now even more :)

Bday

2009-05-18T00:28:00.002+05:30

I have been, for 23 years, excited about my birthday. Every year. Without fail. I have never thought about getting old as a bad thing. At each stage in your life, you get to do something you have always wanted to do. Obviously you cannot wish for something which has already passed you by. And if any point you have then you havent lived your life completely. Sad but accept it and give the coming years a real good chance.

This year, I am working on my birthday! I have never done that in my life!!! What a waste! I know it but I cannot think of having gifts, meeting friends who are there and not there. At this juncture, I really wish that I had a huge family. Well, I cannot get over being the only child in my home, aint giving that up easily, but I would have wanted a larger than life lunch or dinner with my huge loud, gregarious family this year.

Anyway... I really wish for a quiet, forgettable birthday (May be, after one like this I will be sure that I never waste away another birthday in vain!!! :D)

Binge

2009-05-18T00:11:00.002+05:30

I haven't been so depressed for a long time. I am constantly changing my "word". The word that I fear the most. The word which if happens would end life as I know it. Its worse than fear. I think fear can be conquered.

--> Love

--> Hopelessness

--> Despair

--> Insignificance

This is actually in the order which I was and continue to be depressed about. I thought "love" was the be all and end all of things. Then I bumped into hopelessness and despair. But I never in my next moment did I think Insignificance was on its way. Now I do...

Bark and Leash

2009-05-16T02:33:00.003+05:30

I have always left first.

I left my mom, father, school and college friends first. I stepped out of my home, and found my comfort zone in the world. Was I detached? I asked myself this question a hundred million times. Yes was my answer a few times. I made the place I went to, home. Cozy, surrounded with friends and an abundant supply of love along with many moments to cherish. I wasn't detached cause I knew that I am like a goat tied to a tree with a really long leash. I could go anywhere I wish and still be attached.

But still, I left first. With no regret in my heart, with no fear of the unknown and no sadness of missing anyone. I had everyone.

I left London, which till date feels like my second home. I can close my eyes and picture myself going through Baker street train station from one of my campuses. Walking along the muddy Thames. I grumbled about how the Parliament was so close but Thames still dirty. I grumbled about minimum wage, I debated whether the Guardian was better or the Independent. I wished to join the RSPCA or the British Heart Foundation. Neither happened. It was so me not to make my mind up.

I did not want orange juice with bits in it, pulp was too pulpy. gooey!

Now all I want is OJ with bits in them. I love them right now. This is my home now.

I still left first. From London. I don't remember anyone who returned to India before me. My friend went back to Germany and my coffee went cold. But I dint feel alone. I particularly was not ecstatic too turn and find a bunch of sullen face bidding me farewell. Although, I couldnt imagine myself being one among the sullen faces. I left the place first.

But now... I am the one left behind. By not one, not two but five favorite people in my life. My two best friends have left the country. My mom and another best friend have moved to a different city and today my roommate left for a month to NY. I know its a month. It is movement.

I haven't left the building, I came back.

I am dragging that tree at this time and the leash is strangling me...

Taj

2009-05-08T03:28:00.002+05:30

This is what I am dreaming of for my next vacation! Taj Mahal in the night, in the moon lit sky.

I think I have to re-consider my theory about myself. I might be a romantic at heart.

I explain no more...

[pic by: Per-Andre Hoffmann]

2009-05-03T04:28:00.000+05:30

You know, death is easier to write about than the Devil!

Abhiyum Naanum

2009-05-03T04:02:00.002+05:30

My dad was very excited when he came to Bangalore this time. He had just seen this tamil movie called “Abhiyum naanum”. He had the CD with him and he wanted me to watch it. Although he would have wanted both of us to watch it together, which obviously did not happen, he spoke with fervour about the movie that I had to watch it. In his words, with or without him, I had to see it immediately. Also because it was not his CD and he had to return it to his neighbour, who for some reason seems quite touchy about this disc! Whatever!

Anyway, as my nights’ sleep is effectively spoilt because of my work timings, I thought what the hell… let’s watch this movie dad’s been raving about. Bed’s spread- check, pillows all around- check, hot coffee- check, headphones- check, so I started the movie.

It was like someone was telling me a story. I was instantly dragged into the movie and the emotions. I tried pulling out of it for insane reasons but the narration was so powerful that you wanted to know. I remember being this attentive only a couple of times. Once and the strongest memory is when my grandmother told stories of the Gods and Goddess. And the other is when my history teacher taught us WW-1.

I was completely captured by the movie. Their exaggerated but fitting expressions were apt. Their animated voices, which I usually consider very irritating, were comical. Out of the movie ratings that I have - - Yeah why not, Must watch and Must by hook or crook watch it - - I would give it a “Must watch by hook or crook for the daughter-father combo” n yeah why not for the others.

And Oh! if you are the emotional, I love my dad very much type, please keep a couple of tissues ready!

ONO

birth- gosh!

2009-05-02T03:06:00.000+05:30

My colleague at work rightly pointed out since I got into my team I have been attending one marriage after another. It is not that I don’t attend weddings but since I finished college, I am noticing many of my friends who are of the same age getting hitched.

I guess summer’s the season!

The real reason for me to write this post is not that I am attending more marriages; it is that among the many, there are quite a number of “arranged marriages”. And the astonishing fact, which I am freaked out about, flabbergasted about, is that the girls are already pregnant!

I am not particularly fond of kids for various reasons, one being I do not have the patience to listen to their garb or answer the questions they keep asking on a regular basis. I am not against getting pregnant if the couple want to start a family. But what I cannot understand is in this time and age when contraceptives are so prevalent, condoms being available for not more than 10 bucks, why young couples who are in the age range of 20-24 get pregnant.

Specifically, when it is an arranged marriage, you have no idea what kind of person you have married in the first place. I have known my friends for more than 5 to 7 years and I still discover new things about them everyday or every time I meet them! Why don’t these girls take at least a year to get to know each other, spend time, have fun and then commit to a long-term investment. Sex is a good thing in a marriage, but reproducing so quickly, for me, is not. Not even when it is a guy you were in love with and married. Take some time for yourselves. Enjoy each other’s company.

Gosh!

Feeling love

2009-04-29T03:15:00.003+05:30

For some reason this song is playing continuously in my head.

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why

I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window

and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be grey,

but your picture on my wall

It reminds me that it's not so bad,

it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,

my head just feels in pain

I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,

I'm late for work again

And even if I'm there, they'll all imply

that I might not last the day

And then you call me and it's not so bad,

it's not so bad and

I want to thank you

for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you

is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last

and I'm soaking through and through

Then you hand me a towel

and all I see is you

And even if my house falls down,

I wouldn't have a clue

Because you're near me and

I want to thank you

for giving me the best day of my life

Oh just to be with you

is having the best day of my life

It is a good thing, this feeling of love. Being in love, thinking that you are in love and the satisfaction you get knowing that you are loved.

I am reminded of a few days – which I consider a few of the best days of my life – and the best part is that I know that there is so much more that lies ahead.

£%@&*%

2009-04-24T03:45:00.002+05:30

Since the day one of my friends made me face the truth -- about plagiarism online -- I have stopped posting my poems on my blog. This basically has led to me becoming very lazy to take a pen and paper to compose a poem. Others are scraps -- whatever I have written are on bits of papers, or hidden in folders on my personal comp or office desktop -- which basically would take nearly a life time to collate!

So bottom line is I havent written jackshit and I don like it!!!

poetry... starts with rhymes :)

Things that I dream about in office part 2

2009-04-16T18:24:00.003+05:30

I love being a journalist. Although I am yet to break news and shout out from the top floor of the building opposite to the Leela Palace a piece of information that is bound to move markets, I am sure to get there one day! Until that time, I am going to enjoy covering the U.S. financial markets out of Bangalore, India. Let me be a bit clearer, we are a News Wire Agency. So we have what is called the Wire!

In that Wire, today I pressed a link from a press release by mistake and it opened up to that particular company's website. HIT ONE!

The movie: The Butterfly Effect
What: Rippley's believe it or not... Ripple Effect In that few moments of instant clicks, I have already written my sequel for the above mentioned movie. Our heroine is an ambitious, young public relations agent who's job is being threatened, as part of the cost cutting initiatives started by the company during the recession. If she does not help to instigate more people to click on their online website that sells the most amazing product on the earth, she will be sacked!

The small tap from my seat pushed the company's website up on google search, helping the company acheive its sales target for the year and finally the PR lady gets saved. ALL BECAUSE OF ME YOU KNOW!!!

I save the day! Rippley's believe it or not
Now, let me go and save my ass! People might start to wonder whether they pay me to dream!

To Dream a new dream!

Things that I dream about in office

2009-04-15T19:01:00.002+05:30

Certain times, in office, some incident happens that reminds me of movie scenarios. This is one of my "this could happen to me" moments that I conjure up, which is purely based on silly instance or occurring at my work place.
   For example, not a few minutes back the lights above my desk and a couple of others flickered. Anyone would have thought, not thought. Period. So those people who are a bit jobless, like I seem to be now, might have had some sort of idea. Say… "Oh! May be the building is having an electricity fluctuation problem." But not me. A whole movie with alien invasion flashed in front of my eyes.
   The movie: Independence day
   When: Just as the alien mother f**ker, I mean mother ship is nearing Earth.
   Where: In an office which has lots of similarities to the one I am in now. Pretty lights, a big ass television screen (which in my office, the company has compensated by keeping 2-3 sets around the newsroom)
   I immediately have got the complete picture sorted out in my head. The flicker of the lights have something to do with alien invasion. They want to take over the world and have realised from previous attempts that knowledge is power. So they have decided to infiltrate the sources of information. "Info Lockdown" And OBVIOUSLY I am the person who saves the day by "pulling the plug." For more of this story, you need to fund to make the movie.
   Well, there you go... Your Blockbuster, for me ... My Stress Buster :)

BoreDOOM

2009-04-01T00:59:00.000+05:30

I really am out of words and this is not a good thing for a journalist. I am annoyed to use the same words to describe the same feelings. And mind you I am not even trying to find the “answer” to anything. I should probably at least let myself write a small book review. Reminds me I want to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic :-)

Until next time

Mood: Bored!

2009-03-13T02:25:00.001+05:30

I am dying to write something creative. Just one thought, supporting multiple ideas and a mind pleasing article.

I am in business journalism and I have this innate fear of getting creative and writing with flair, a flair that oozes self-confidence. It is not that I don’t understand the concepts (and not that I understand all of them). It is that in a financial market where all the biggies look stupid for making dumb choices that has brought us all here I don’t want to look like I am in the club!

I need to WRITE a story. Instead of trying to piece together a badly serrated jig-saw puzzle, I have to craft lines that tell you a story.

Mood: Introspective (Motivating debate to myself)

I just had to write something. and this is what I came up with! sigh!

2009-02-22T22:53:00.002+05:30

I am feeling like shit. I really dont like it.

I am going to do what I want and when I want... And I need to stop whining!

Well, after this post I will stop :)

I now know why I shouldn't get into that mess again. Check
I know I shouldn't be getting into any mess. Check

Thats it.

oh my mouth hurts after the trip to the dentist and I dont like those species of doctors!!

Buggers!

News for Harry Potter fans, And something abt an xtraordinary day

2009-02-20T17:45:00.000+05:30

News: From the Guardian
Oh and by the way please do check out MS Corley’s blog - - his interpretation of the Harry Potter series. Classic

Separately...

I am finding it hard to live with everyday life after experiencing an extraordinary one.

Extraordinary day = on a daily basis = heart attack (too much adrenalin)

Daily ordinary day = exists only to make the extraordinary one = alive

I crib about both to write a stupid post like this

Love talks

2009-02-11T19:46:00.002+05:30

It is the week that leads to the V-day. Naturally, all the papers have something or the other related to love and Valentine’s Day. Some how or the other, people tend to forget the story about how the day came into being. Hence, there are loads of reminders that do the rounds.

Here are the links to a few articles that caught my eye. I will keep updating the list from time to time. If I do stop, then I am bored with the topic :)

Let me start with something close to my heart. In my own backyard, so to speak. I wanted to write about this the day it started but then I felt so strongly about it that nothing but profanity emerged on paper. Somethings are better left unsaid but definitely gifted! Because chaddis are forever.
-- Facebook women say 'knickers' to pub ban bullies

This is one of the articles that I read - - my top pick. How to bank on the romantic cash strapped citizens of the world. Well, it is not that grave but it is highly romantic and private.
- - Heart-shaped island highlighted by Google Earth becomes hit with lovers

The following article is to throw caution into the wind. If you are proposing, the time and place is quite important and it would save you a hell of a lot of trouble if you know the person is going to say yes. A proposal really tests the person’s judgement of how romantic he/she can go with the partner. Well, that is if it does work out.
- - Please, no love on the menu

Beat her to V-Day? The news about Rihanna being beaten up by boyfriend Chris Brown has hit all the newspapers. Really a pathetic reminder for all not to stay in demeaning relationships, however hard it is to see other couples in love. Better single than dead.
- - Rihanna cancels Indonesia concert

Until next time :)

Golden Globe, BAFTA and now the Oscars?

2009-02-10T19:37:00.005+05:30

After waiting for a really long time, I finally caught Slumdog Millionaire on the big screen. I can describe my reaction in three small words. I loved it.

I cannot possibly comment on whether this movie is a worthy contender for the Academy awards simply because my tastes in movies are completely different. I might like one and not like another and both would be nominated for the award. But I can definitely say this, contrary to what many believe, Slumdog Millionaire has been made in good taste.

Amitabh Bachchan, most often remembered as the angry young man of Bollywood cinema, posted comments on his blog which accused the film of projecting India as a Third World country with a "dirty underbelly". I want to ask him this: Did you actually watch the movie Mr.Bachchan? And the question to your question, have we ever tried? And made a movie this good? If you haven’t, other directors haven’t, then obviously we wouldn’t ever know whether that movie would be nominated for the Oscars would we?

What I took away from the movie was a new or renewed Indian dream. It does not have to be making money by attending a reality television program, it is about keeping your dreams alive, and however difficult the path may seem to be. Even a person living in one of Asia’s largest slums learns something from life. It is also about ever lasting love and commitment in a place which has so many more factors that could tear apart a couple. It shows India for how it is. Aren’t all the actors in the film industry surviving because of the crazy fans waiting for a glance, a word of appreciation for thinking of him between the few meals they beg? Would you sign an autograph which has poo on it?

Is this the face of jealousness?

Why are doctors generally not allowed to treat their family? It is because they are emotionally attached and might not be able to focus on the disease at hand. Similarly, may be India needed a second pair of eyes to see and say the way it exactly is.

Sadly in this case, many Indians who feel strongly about India, “patriots” if you may like, have concentrated on how badly India has been portrayed - - kids running amidst dirt and garbage – while all the movies with the husbands beating the wives, rape, Sati, child marriages and physical abuse by fathers, brothers are let to float around in the movie halls without a decibel of noise created. Only because it was directed by fellow citizens? And I am pointing fingers at the movies that, in a way, celebrate these inhuman actions.

Again, I loved the movie. The casting is beautiful. I felt a little weird about Anil Kapoor’s fake accent but he turned out to be a better choice than SRK. One man’s loss is another man’s gain innit? :-) I loved the character of Jamal, at all ages. The brother Salim’s actions and reactions are tainted with the love for Jamal who is in his way to attain a quick buck.

So my rating is: “Must by hook or crook watch it” and an added Kudos :)

Will this movie win an Oscar? The wait is not too far…

Dev D

2009-02-09T17:25:00.002+05:30

Dev D - - the bewada.

The movie is a “Must Watch”. The first half of the movie is the best part. There are some dialogues that are rib tickling funny. The humour is subtle. Yet the subtleness of it all is obvious.

What can I say about Abhay Deol??? I have become a fan of his! He looks great on screen and I am feeling the same way I felt after watching Socha Na Tha – happy!

Towards the end, the movie kind of dragged on and you wonder where it is headed but the sentiments, reactions, consequences of your actions etc that are shown in the movie are so natural and real. God will agree that I have done some of those things depicted in the movie.

It isn’t make believe story, not pretentious or preachy. The film is shot in the now and how.

I am not sure if I loved it but I did enjoy it!

Lucky Charm?

2009-02-05T23:56:00.004+05:30

This is the first time I have written my opinion on a movie that released not too long ago. It released in Jan and I caught it in Jan (waaooww!). And it is making me quite happy. Firstly, it is because of the above stated reason and secondly, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

LuckByChance - - The movie got off to a great start. Konkana Sen positively looked old but beautiful as ever. And honestly, Hrithik is a dream come true. If I was God, my best work would probably look like him. (But then I am sure I would have tried and gotten better ... LuckByRepetition!) I gaped and gawked at him and guffawed at the dress he wore in one of the songs (which at first I thought was atrocious but I begin to see how great the outfit looked on Hrithik) and ogled at his abs. I keep repeating to myself and in my other posts that I am not a great fan of abs but seems to me they have been catching my eye. On my way to Ga-Ga stages I would think!

I did not really like Farhan Akhtar in Rock On. I still think he looked like a wannabe stud boy in that movie. Yes, you have a nice sounding voice (Pls note: not a good voice, just nice sounding) but you do not look like a rock star material. And I absolutely did not fancy the costumes they wore (more like the wardrobe from his closet).

Coming back to Farhan Akhtar in this movie… During the movie, in one of the scenes, if I am not wrong, Dimple Kapadia says that every girl and guy who watches a movie should wish that the hero was her boyfriend or girlfriend. Well, I definitely think he can just about manage to pull that stunt off. He has an endearing appearance; a grateful look which spells out -- I have been hardened by life’s difficulties but love the spice life has to offer kind of look going on for him, which I must say is a rarity and pleasant to watch.

Dimple Kapadia, Rishi Kapoor and the other actors in the movie were just brilliant. The exaggerated dialogues, which were never over done, fit perfectly into the mood of the movie. I have never got the opportunity to meet any director but if I had to conjure up one, the person would be just like Rishi Kapoor. Loud, takes credit for ideas that are not his, obnoxious when and to whomever he wants to and hilarious to watch. The other heroine, or of the movie, was nice. She played her part. She played it so well that I want to see her in another movie to actually grasp whether or not she can act.

Other than the fact that the movie’s focus suddenly and abruptly changed, I think the ending was marvellous. There are some people who I know, got everything easy. I thought they were lucky and then it changed. So I know it’s important to have luck and be lucky but no one can have it forever. In the end, you live the way you want despite changing luck. You are walking -- If it rains take out your umbrella, if it is sunny were your goggles but – keep walking!

Out of my ratings of - - Don’t even try, May be if you are bored, Yeah why not, Must watch and Must by hook or crook watch it - - I would give this movie a “Must watch”. Enjoy :-)

White Sheet

2009-02-03T00:56:00.001+05:30

I SO wish I was in London for the White Rain!!!

Some pics from the Guardian

sigh!!

The Phelps Drama

2009-02-03T00:36:00.003+05:30

Michael Phelps was caught on a candid photo which showed him inhaling from a marijuana pipe. People all over the world lapped up this information about their swimming champ. The number of critics that raised their voice is astounding. The sports clubs, fan presidents, etc etc were out to disown him due to the act committed by the once highly decorated sports person. And this felicitation was not too far long back.

I know and understand that smoking any kind of drugs is not good due to its addictive nature, ya da ya da ya da!! We all know the drill but what comes out of this incident is that I think it’s about time that people stopped idolizing certain celebrities and realise that they are also human. They want and they have the right to make a mistake. They need not have to apologise to the whole freaking world to save their sponsorship. It’s a different deal if it was a repetitive behaviour which gets people concerned about his health and the sponsors about their money. We tend to exert pressure on these “sports idols” to be the perfect role model for us.

Make him apologise for regrettable behaviour and bad judgement. Force him into acting because you dream of him in a particular way. It is a price to pay for fame. But still!

No one recognises the amount of unwavering devotion he must have given to his swimming practices. I understand he is an inspiration for many young aspiring athletes but why should we be afraid of all these youngsters only taking the photo into consideration? Would you wish to live your life under constant scrutiny, criticisms? How many of you want to do pot, get caught on camera for the kicks and not see that picture on the front page of sports news?

Not me!

Mighty fall

2009-01-27T00:10:00.001+05:30

Donald Trump must be having a field day while the corporate world has taken a liking to his famous catch phrase and using, misusing and abusing it right, left and centre.

“YOU ARE FIRED”

This post does come as a reminder to the dreadful feeling many of us feel, anticipating that you might be the next in the line of fire, or felt before and after the final call came through. May be you got a phone call from your friend and you had no clue how to console him or her on the glitch in their ladder.

But for us, at work in Reuters, it is news. Big news, which we need to get our hands dirty with. Numbers talk while people walk. Today we saw at least 50,000 job cuts in the United States. Either I have been living in a self built, impenetrable cocoon of sorts where these details do not affect me, or make me worry about my job or I am highly insensitive.

It hit me today that I could have been one of them and now could easily become one. But then I looked around and saw how my company, in the interest of its shareholders, its employees, have taken many a measure to ensure we still remain standing for a very long time to come. Cost cutting in small ways which put a smile on my face because I realised they are not alone, nor am

Two become One – I walked into the coffee room and stood in front of the coffee machine. The only problem was, there was no coffee machine any more. They first stopped filling it with coffee powder, reduced the number of packets of milk bought, shared it with the other machine and finally was put to rest. Amen
Can it stand on 3 pillars? – Well, I am not talking about the actually pillars but due to the extreme measure taken by Bangalore’s Commissioner of Police, regular smokers shuttle between work at their desk for a quick smoke near the gate. This hiked up the usage of the elevator and sometimes now I find only three of them working.
Double or Single – We have lost our double pay system of getting double pay if you work on national holidays.
Most of the stationery cupboards are locked for good.
If there is ink in the printer, there is no A4 sheets and vice versa. (At least the Amazon forests are being saved)

I am trying to finish this off in a high note. So this is to hoping all of us keep our jobs, grow upwards and never be too far away from a hot cuppa coffee.

PMO - Oh My Pride

2009-01-15T01:01:00.003+05:30

So … I had my first performance management objectives reviewed at work. For the whole year and all... How did I do? Fare well? Or farewell?

General Consensus: Be more aggressive!

Well, THIS SUCKS!

:-)

Ghajini - Will remain in memory for more than 15 min

2009-01-10T03:20:00.003+05:30

Finally a 6-pack abs that I like on a man!

Hrithik Roshan looks like a Greek God, an anomaly in Bollywood and a phenomenon called “how the hell did it happen in India?” John Abraham did not do it for me, lack of charisma to go with that bod and sometimes it matters. Shah Rukh Khan, I honestly, did not get because I liked him the way he was. The other abs, did not even interest me so much as to remember them at this point. But Aamir Khan, in Ghajini, can be summed up using one word – Wow.

Man boobs aside, (personal opinion that they don’t look nice) he looks completely natural in his new form. When I saw him on the screen, I felt that he has always been like this and looked this good. And, I have to ask. What’s with the cute butt? All in all, he looks younger than his age (which at this point I have completely banished from my memory), handsome and oh so desirable! Adding to this, Bangalore Times – for a 20 year old, female actor, a new comer, working with a 40 year old veteran, who looks like Aamir Khan, I don’t think she will be asking the question “Where is Women’s Equality?”

Power dressing – it works like a charm. The folding of sleeves (which I love on any shirt and t-shirt) hits the home run for me. The blues and the blacks got me drooling; the purples look gorgeous on Aamir. Not to leave out Asin from the praises galore, I don’t have an aversion to seeing her on screen, television and hence like her.

I must say that I was surprised to see that the humour used in the tamil movie Ghajini, also used in the hindi one, did not fail to inspire some giggles in the audience. I enjoyed the movie more because I had watched the tamil one long time back (about 2 years ago to be precise) and did not remember most of it. I call it Long Term Memory Loss, in other words – Ageing.

Anyway, in a nut shell, I loved the movie and I had a great time watching it.

Travel

2009-01-08T01:38:00.003+05:30

I look back at last year and I realised that planning a travel program in India, with my friends, is harder than it was in London. Dates for leaves, suggestions for places, money and mode of transport -- all tend to rear their ugly head into our lovely dreams of meeting up in exotic places. From a week in Singapore to two days in the sultry Chennai heat, lots of plans have been blotched. Nevertheless, I have managed to travel a lot last year. With my friends and family.
(Mumbai-Mahabeleshwar, Chennai -- by default, Goa, Bellikeri [I am sure its called something else, ask Frank], Mysore, Mekedatu)

The thought that occured to me was obviously not a novel thought and hence I am refraining myself from giving it a dramatic entre. I suddenly wondered why I did not have a or start a travel blog. It will not aim to flaunt the places I have been to (or will in the future) but for the selfish pleasure of trying to manage another blog (or mabbe continue in one which is redundant at the moment) and to do something new in the new year! (Honeymoon period for a new year is only till Jan end).

P.S: The minute I write something in the "travel" blog of mine, I will end up not travelling... sigh :) Rules and 'happenings' need to be broken :)

Master

2009-01-06T02:01:00.004+05:30

Mine is a silent obsession. It doesn’t consume, doesn’t demand and I do not fear it. It does not take over my life’s decisions. But then it does. In subtle ways, when I do not expect it.

I have, over the years, heard many songs, instrumental music. I have figured certain things out and these findings have been quite consistent.
-- The sound of piano can evoke a feeling of romance or put me to sleep
-- The sound of drums never found a place in my heart. No emotions - of anger, sadness, excitement
-- The flute, I always associate with superficiality, snobbery and detachment.
-- Saxaphone, with a jazz twist, a complete picture to jive with. Happiness.

As always, not adhering to the inverted pyramid style of writing that is drilled into all journalists, I have kept the best for the last.

-- The strings of a guitar.

Today, I learned that the sound of a guitar can make me an infidel. Or, let me put it in other words, I heard a certain sound from a guitar, which is exactly how I would describe infidelity. I believe (at least for now) the emotions you pass through being infidel is the height of emotions (before and after the act. I wouldn’t consider acts as thoughts come into play and then decisions. Whole new post!!!)

I love the sound of the guitar. I have tried mastering it. I use the word master because I never managed to do that. The obsession doesn’t dictate people to help me out. It sticks and seduces and it is everything that I want.

J

2008-12-26T23:13:00.001+05:30

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive ~Havelock Ellis, On Life and Sex: Essays of Love and Virtue, 1937

In jealousy there is more self-love than love. ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou

He that is not jealous is not in love. ~St. Augustine

What is this, what is it that I feel,
Made of slimy green moss and of steel
Her black locks shimmering on his shoulder,
And by the waist that he holds her,

Sends a twinge within my soul
Desire in their hearts burn a hole
I pray to the one stapled to the Cross,
Is it life or is it self-respect, I am at loss

I hear my voice, a voice say,
Tears of love accompanies you on a rainy day
On hot white afternoon with labour’s pay
Its how love is here to stay

Year gone, Year ahead!

2008-12-23T19:45:00.003+05:30

Another year came and went by. Every other television channel has this program about the year 2008. They have slimy program names like “The year that was” or “Total recap 2008.” So I thought why not write a small recap of what I thought were the highlights of this year. This is in no particular order.

Change in order: Barrack Obama became the first black president of America. Although there was much talk about how the United States of America had come of age, but I believe that they saw in him a steadier, worthier personality than John McCain who would help them through the credit crunch. This brings on my next topic.

Lay-offs, buy outs and Chapter 11: There was more than meets the eye. But what did meet the eye, was unpleasant repercussions. Oil prices rose, people lost their jobs, oil prices fell, people lost their pension plans, oil companies started shutting down, tax payer’s money, their money, is being spent not on them but on the Wall Street. And this is just the beginning. (Like a sinister one liner in a thriller movie)

Terror, Panic and the Foot in Mouth syndrome: The book “India shinning” which unfortunately did not do too well has been succeeded by another book called “Terrorism in India.” It is characterized by its immediate presence in our country. Pages of failed intelligence, screwed up national security, irresponsible comments from well-known celebrities and politicians are added to the book each day. The final launch of the complete works is still kept aside indefinitely.

Moving in, moving out, the Chennai saga continues: Both my best friends, who used to live in Chennai, got married and got out of the country. My mom, because of whom we came to Bangalore 5 years back, has got her promotion and has been transferred back to Chennai.

Amidst all of this and much more, my blog turned a year older (again!!!). I created this space December 2005 and the blog has completed three years of existence. I want to do something special or write something nice. As I cannot think of anything out of the ordinary, I will accept pRicky’s suggestion of choosing my five favourite posts. One from each year is a restriction which I do not want to lay on myself. So let me see… (Present to past format)

Shades: Dec 11, 2008
Shoe story: 23 August 2007
Mystery of marriage solved due to Ulcers: July 19, 2007
Heads or tails: October 12, 2006
A night to remember: December 16, 2005

Things keep happening and keep changing. And then there are certain things that don’t. I still want to kiss Keanu Reeves. I still love travelling. And I can never get enough of writing that too when I am at work! :- )

Mood: Happy, and wanting to waste time at work
Place: Office
Time: Christmas week

P for Pinkie

2008-12-19T22:20:00.002+05:30

I read this really cute (which translates into informative) article about the pinkie finger.

If you did not know about its strengths, now you do. And about Dana Scarton’s plight.

And for fun, these are a few snippets about the Pinkie finger that I rummaged through the internet (which means I got the info from the first site link I clicked on) to find.

1. People with long little fingers have a high intelligence. (Small pinkies with long finger nails don’t count. Hygiene please!)
2. Holding up the pinkie, as you all know from childhood days, means that you want to pee. Pee for Pinkie
3. In Belgium, you hold up your pinkie finger to order beer. (Maybe some where, at some point of time, the Indians went to a bar in Belgium! Connect the dots.)
4. Last, but not the least, a new (or rather I am noticing them now) trend among the young men in India is to link their pinkies as they walk on the road. (And this is NOT because they are gay. Human Chain? Denial? Go figure!)

I have noticed that if I try to bend my Pinkie finger, I cannot without the ring finger following in its path. My pinkie, the leader! (Many, I have heard can bend their pinkie without having to bend the ring finger.)

Anyway, if you come across more do add em ...

Cheers!

Deep Throat dies

2008-12-19T17:06:00.002+05:30

Mark Felt, famously known as “Deep Throat” died, yesterday, due to a congestive heart failure in California. News Link

The FBI informant, helped Washington Posts’ Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein uncover the Watergate scandal, which led to President Nixon’s resignation, had revealed his identity in 2005.

Uncovering a scandal, sabotage and illegal fund dealings in Mexico along with the resignation of a United States President is what (legends are made of?) great thriller stories are made of.

Never will a journalism class be conducted without a mention of this.

Frey(ed)

2008-12-17T00:04:00.003+05:30

I loved his book "A Million Little Pieces" and I am now eagerly waiting to read his next novel. He calls it the "the third book of the Bible". Titled "The Final Testament of the Holy Bible," I am not sure whether I am waiting to read his writing or waiting to see the storm he might conjure up, given the controversial topic it is.

Info Link : What would God do?

Brunt

2008-12-16T18:02:00.001+05:30

Today, I got mad at two people who had done nothing but the mistake of calling me and happening to be at the receiving end, of my anger and telephone.

I cannot and do not have the means to call them back and ask for forgiveness and the worst part is if I don’t ask for it today then it won’t make a difference to me tomorrow. This is my selfish need to feel better now.

First is this guy who called from ABN AMRO. I have picked up worse customer care executives’ phone calls and been courteous to them. I was determined to yell at the next one who called from that bank and this time the guy was not annoying. Tough luck

Second is this lady who my father passed his phone to from a sari shop. She was one of the sales people in SM Silks (I might be wrong about the shop’s name because there are so many of them and I really don’t care to remember them). He called me incessantly, when I was on SEC filing slot (at a time when there was news pouring in and only two of us to manage it). I finally picked up the call, imagining the worst of things, to find out that he wanted to know which colour sari I was looking for. Then he thrust the phone into the sales woman’s hands and I, very impatiently and in a curt manner, said that I cannot talk to her as I am busy at work. I also said, please I am only 23 so don’t give saris which older people wear. And after all that jazz, she was sweet enough to explain the colours and ask me to choose, over the phone. (I know it sounds annoying but if I was at the receiving end of me I would have banged the phone down, but then my dad is paying some few grand. Stating that, I shouldn’t forget that she is human and has the right to be treated nicely).

I am pissed with myself.

Muse Leads only once

2008-12-12T18:50:00.000+05:30

Words that flow incomprehensibly
Fall as tear drops on paper
Seem to arrange themselves right
Ready to be placed in proper sight

Does my muse wake me at day or dreams?
In the closeness of rush hour
My breathe exhales with yours
Waiting for the exit stop to arrive

Crescendo touched and halts at stoop
As lovers part, a magnum opus emerges
Sadness fills the writer’s own,
For now he does not understand
His spirit, language of emotion said
Never to return where his muse had led

Shades

2008-12-12T00:40:00.000+05:30

I don’t see colours
I view all in black and white,
Many in shades of grey
They tell me snow is white
But for me so is the sky I say
I hear the dog bark,
I hear the cat mew,
And see the crow just like you
I exist in a time,
Before the Eastman blush
Where the gory of blood,
Is without a human touch
We marry in my two paints
Live in one that's yours
But see the crow just like you

Impressions

2008-12-11T18:28:00.002+05:30

"Journeys end in lovers meeting,Every wise man's son doth know."
- William Shakespeare

Ever seen a woman on whom you would dare to use a pick up line? And have you ever borrowed a corny line from a well known movie hoping that it would work? Then I suggest, next time, you think again about where you pick up your pick up lines from. Data asks us to look in to literature!

A report on dating suggests that women are impressed if a guy has read Long walk to Freedom (Nelson Mandela), likes Shakespeare, poetry and cook books.

For more information click on the article that was published on the Guardian named “Want to find a woman? Just go by the book”

"O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O, stay and hear; your true love's coming."

Moving Forward

2008-12-09T19:57:00.004+05:30

It makes my life easier. I have better control over my drawings, free art as I would like to call them (It is like free verse, not abstract but a try replicating the original, an imagination and I fail). You can find them on facebook. I try to convey messages to my friends through those pictures. Well, my drawings are not the point. What I want to talk about is the mouse, attached to my laptop, which helped me have a steady hand while I drew.

The mouse turned 40 today. Here is the link to the article in BBC. (Please do watch the first video in the article.) Dec 9th, 1868 was the first time Douglas Engelbart, the mouse inventor, demonstrated the usage of this technology which we all have grown to love. (And I thought and believed hands free was good and cool. My mistake!)

Yonder was the age of discovery
Now is the age of invention
Future maybe the age of creation or re-creation

Every week in the online version of The Guardian, Culture section and in the sub-section, Books, Billy Mills ( a poet and small press publisher in Ireland) asks writers to contribute poems about certain topics that he chooses. This week it is about Railway Lines. I am trying to widen my horizons and write about topics that are given to me. (To filter stuff in and out) Lets see where this leads me to... (Destination somewhere with success I hope!)

Two lines made of metal
That never meets,
Connecting each life in cities
Departs are anything but sweet

Pebbles skid off the wheel’s edge
Are far for none too long,
First a mountain, hill, now a hole
Train sings its arrested gong

Passing through a rocky cascade
Asks who to break the fall,
With unsure, cupped palms outstretched
Catching a single tear that says it all

It then goes back to begin from start
Train timings, like happiness is fickle,
Silently the windows watch stations arrive
Daily occurrence a repetitive miracle

Random Thoughts

2008-12-08T00:27:00.003+05:30

I am feeling miserable after one week of great fun. Shashank come back! Found dinosaur print in Chunchi falls.

Truth is so over rated. It satisfies the Selfish need for a person to be ridden of their guilt.

Somewhere there was a cat fight. My cat was in it. *Scratches and Bruises* Ugly Betty was a hit with my relatives. She Behaved.

I bought Meet the Spartans pendant.

I dreamed that I was building a temple, on the road that leads to the Rashtrapathi Bhavan. Religious and Political. Brilliant!

Three- One more than an eye. One short of a car.

I would want to be a wedding planner if it wasn't for the large amounts of smoke!

I need people who are not available and I am unavailable for the people who need me. Live?

My eyes rest as slumber is awake
sun light nudges me to a shake
I cast it aside in an unassuming grunt
normalcy, here, faces the brunt
A night life filled with neon rays
chalky white marble floors
While the sighted moon shies
behind the night's cloud
I want to scream and curse aloud

Night has lost its charm
Morning its necessity

I found true love. In a couple of people. Do I wait for one with all the features or do I just get hitched with them one at a time?

Of all the sentences if you guys pick the last one to comment on, I will kick your cute toushie! :P

Dostana- Wont Kiss and Tell!

2008-11-17T16:48:00.004+05:30

Ok with the picture as your guide you already know what I am going to talk about. I just finished watching Dostana and I am still in shock!

The movie is like any other Karan Johar movie. Full of life, silly jokes, colourful and hot, sexy people in it. And this one had THREE hot sexy actors. I don't remember watching a Priyanka Chopra movie in a long time. But man is she hot. She looks so beautiful! Chiseled and perfect.

Who else is chiseled and perfect? John Abraham! He and the director has done justice to his body. No shirt most of the times and then a strip tease! :)

I have saved the best for the last. My fav Aby Baby! He has gone past being the macho man and has taken on the role of a gay guy so well that I cringed through out the movie. I howled and hollered to Abhishek... I went for happy to sad. Happy that he could play gay so well and sad that he could play gay so well!!! At the beginning I just could not take it. Such a waste of hot guys!

All in all a good movie to watch. Twice mabbe cause the first time you are either gagging or too stunned to absorb half of the jokes!! The chemistry between the three of them is unbeatable!!! Probably would rate it 3 outta 5!

Cat Calls

2008-11-13T01:11:00.005+05:30

I would be offending many really great writers in this world, of past and present, if I called myself an author. But I do blog occasionally and try my hand at free verse.

Today, I read David Barnett’s article “Authors' mews: writers and their cats”. Barnett spoke about an author’s compelling necessity to “not to omit” the mention of their precious feline friend in a biography or even a book. I immediately remembered a short story I had recently read Garcia Marquez’s short story “Eva is Inside Her Cat”. (Although it was not about cats, I argue: why not any other animal?)

These feline creatures have assumed its place in literature and like every other living cat, they have refused to give up their spot in lime light and their owners have made sure that it never does.

I have a cat and I am not lucky enough to say that she inspires me and that I love her being around while I try to write. What Robertson Davies about cats and authors (Authors like cats because they are such quiet, loveable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons) does not synchronize with my state of affairs. My cat bellows loud, burps and purrs louder and follows me around from one room to another. (I have stepped on her way too many times for her to like me anymore). But there are these some moments I look forward to and cherish, when she looks up at me and I can see the need for words to form unpredictable story lines and a real inner soul to keep it alive.

- By Tsu, who lives in India with her cat, “Ugly Betty” (sometimes I can be terribly unoriginal) and her scrawny little kittens who haven’t been named yet.

Refrain is not in love

2008-11-11T22:34:00.002+05:30

Love is my passion,
Lovers are a game,
Love every moment with me
Cause it’s just not the same
Roll the dice and play your cards
Path to true love is filled with shards

You smile and you frown
Daily adorn a new gown
In matter of minutes you are in the nude
Naked pages of you with words of feud

Yet you start all over again,
Melted scolding of refrain
We are back to where we started
Love is vain to the faithfully departed

Compromise on the hush of a library

2008-11-05T00:39:00.000+05:30

I had a hundred arguments running through my head the minute I finished reading Lyn Brown’s article about how libraries with strict rules need to be replaced by upgrading them to a culturally rich centre to avoid being shut down.

Do I believe that a "long overdue revolution" would save these libraries? I think it eventually might but I am really not up for that change.

I don’t think that I fall within the brackets of “the ageing band of traditionalists who shrink in horror at change.” Although what I do believe is that the concept of “culturally enhancing the libraries” with a dash of jazz in the evenings every Friday night or even having coffee whilst being engrossed in Shakespearean Sonnets will disrupt the peace each person enjoys in that limited space.

Imagine a group of people loudly discussing about the evolution of the universe while you are reading economics or someone slurping (not in a manner less fashion but merely distracted by the book in hand) their coffee which rudely steals you away from your walk with Robert Frost. A whisper into the phone can distract, the swirling whiffs of freshly ground coffee beans can distract. You are effectively ripped away from your book.

I love reading a book with loud music but I wouldn’t want to disturb or encroach into another person’s space, way of reading the same way I wouldn’t want someone to poke into mine. In my opinion, the lessening readership in libraries are partly due to e-books, and also the dying culture, of loading books every week from a library or sitting in silence where each mind is processing knowledge, which my parents taught me to and which I have always loved. More than buying them or reading them from a screen! But I do hate to admit I haven’t been a regular visitor to one. May be from now onwards I will.

Are you ready to share a wave?

2008-10-24T11:04:00.003+05:30

Let your eyes wander around,
find things people of ages before have found
why is the sky so blue and earth green
red sunlight and us in between

then I saw him

As fast as his padded feet could withstand
he ran to the wagon that took him home
on hard concrete and smooth liven sand
below the same skies that blanketed Rome

then I saw myself

Reckon, the shore awaits me,
for my pair of feet to share a wave
cause love can nothing but save
And that is exactly where I will be

2008-10-23T12:42:00.002+05:30

Some friends that are just there
Some friends cling on to you and not let go, but you have.
Then there are some friends that you cling on to and not let go, but they have.

In the end, everyone is alone!

-- Hence spoke, Control Freak!

Laugh Riot

2008-10-19T22:31:00.002+05:30

I went to the Russell Peters show.

I laughed till my stomach hurt
I laughed till my jaws felt sore
But I do hope some day the chotu kid Kiran gets to have the last laugh!!!! :)

Russell Tussle! Everything that I had dreamed he would be, sound like, smile and the jokes are completely pee in your pants category!

Thorough fare! :)

Mismatch and Gliders

2008-10-07T13:30:00.002+05:30

Today, two days after I came back from Goa, my vacation with my mother, I walked out to the tailor with my rubber chappals on. Wearing the pink with grey stripped gliders, jeans and a Tee, I took my bike and left.

I had gotten used to wearing comfortable, yet not sophisticated looking slippers. Nearly losing my flip-flops, rocksters, last time, I was determined not to make the same mistake again.

I have two gliders. One, pink with grey stripes and the other is red with black straps.

Mismatched clothes and rubber slippers (and now crocs) gives people a sense of being on vacation. Other than a very few weird species of men and women, sometimes including myself, would dare to wear atrocious clothes which normal people wouldn’t want to or like to wear. I saw a guy wearing orange shorts with violet tee shirt on. But then I was in green aria nijaru (my mom calls it that, meaning half pants!) with blue t-shirt. No judgements made!

I walked on the streets (and one main road) of Koramangala with my gliders on, feeling like I was in an exotic location on another break from the monotony of work.

Life is one big travel plan and every day is a vacation

Random

2008-09-28T00:37:00.002+05:30

On Chesil Beach: by Ian McEwan

I did not see this book coming. I did not think a book like this would be ever brought out of fantasies or more so nightmares.

Honest and brutally truthful.

For many marriage might be the happiest moment of their lives but what next?

What do you do on the first night that you are left alone? Do you say something? do you talk incessantly or wonder whether it is a definite mood killer? Or do you just run away?

Beautiful yet saddening!

I loved it! a def 2 hour read! :) Ciao

Return of September

2008-09-26T13:56:00.004+05:30

It has been exactly one year and 25 days since I got back from London. I still haven't yet got the inclination or the courage to rake through the left over stuff neither the stuff that I brought back. It is in a heap that I have not bothered to sort out.

To think about it... I had my dream, in a way, come true.

I WAS living with Joey! :) I had all the friends I made living on the same floor, one floor below and one a couple of blocks away. But we still ended up in the same kitchen. For Christmas, new year, Pongal (if I am not wrong), Valentine's, Saturday, Sunday and all the other days of the week. My dedication... Reminiscing ...

To London
To my first Starbucks coffee Grande
To us doing different courses in Westminster
To Susie and I screaming in the reception
To Lakshman, who we did not know then, thought we were nuts and soon found it was indeed true to every decibel!
To Shashank who put up with me when I threw him outta the room, more than twenty times (with a sad puppy face which got him loads of hugs from people in the corridor.. wink wink....!)
To Rahul who always emitted joy in his steps towards our block, every night
To Pavitra who gave me a reason to love walks in the park (with or without heavy luggage)
To Nikhil who makes the yummiest (only after Logan's) daal with butter
To Kshitij and his midnight plans
To Priya who sang while she fed us
To Sandra whose coffee and Potter mania pushed me to complete my dissertation
To Paris' Sortie, Belgium rum filled chocolates
To Srilankan Tamilian and Elvis (wink wink!!! not reallyyyy...)
To the old couple standing in the same queue as I was going to Chicago, going home

Last, to all my friends in India who stayed the same, waiting for me to get back.

Heap cleared!

The years have given a hourglass figure

2008-09-20T03:32:00.002+05:30

I just saw and realised that my blog has an hour glass figure!

Ok well... at least one section of it :) Please See: Pages of His (her) tory

I think thats pretty cool :)

Love song hence

2008-09-17T00:56:00.002+05:30

You once sat there with me in raging epiphany
Shaded with white so black, that grey fell shy
Our twined legs together on the cold granite table
Stretching imagination as far as we were able
Red, blue, brown set with rock, salt and reef
Is it summer, autumn or winter, have a look at this leaf?

Once, a far time ago, is now a live vulture’s feed
Where an exit was forlorn and contagious lead,
A green arrow pointed in a direction different
In one world we split to an opposite, us flippant
Yet our song, love will conquer all, made sense,
First, once, then and forever hence

Dreams a reality

2008-09-16T03:49:00.002+05:30

Yes, I told myself, this is a dream! It cannot be true.

Say it cannot be REAL. It can be true if you want it!!!

I forced that sneaky, small yet larger than life voice out of my dream.

Oh! So you know for sure that I am in your dream? What if I walk towards you and gently caress your face with a feather? Thin as a butterfly’s wings, and as delicate, warm and so soft.

I felt something touch my face, but not as gently as she said she would. She was neither right nor wrong.

It can be true and it can be real.

I see him everyday, in a place definitely other than my dream. I see him in my office. It won’t be right on my part to say that I work in close quarters with him. But I can say that our paths do cross daily.

It is never enough for you and hence I was born, out of your indulgence. And I am willed to stay until … What am I saying? Forever!

His hand on my shoulder, he doesn’t seem short. My arm on his waist, he isn’t an ounce fatter.

Than whom? Than whom?? I am going to be alive always. (Laughter rings to wedding bells, to gongs at death)

Drool

2008-09-13T00:26:00.003+05:30

I should learn to say something interesting or just take my leave!!

Gosh drooling never helps :)

Cya soon :)

2008-09-12T05:27:00.003+05:30

Dear Surya,

I miss you already. Even before you left.

I am crazy with joy already. Even before we meet again.

I have no more words! Love you and God Bless...

Yours,

Nunukins

Parle-G with (G)inger Tea

2008-09-10T03:46:00.002+05:30

This has become a ritual of sorts. 4 Snappers kept awake by a tasty cup of ginger tea made in the cafeteria. But today I wanted something more. Little more to this experience than usual. So I turned to my old faithful, borrowed love, Parle-G.

Oh, I love saying this... My ex-Roomie brought this cheap yet appetising food item into our lunch time straight out of our childhood.

I still eat the sides first, preserve the middle part which has the name on it and then dissect it letter by letter.

Scene 1: I hid behind my three screens. I started the process and realised that I was a wee bit outta touch.
bRoKeN Buscuit pieces with Crumbs all over the desk.

Scene 2: Massacring one buscuit after another in that uncouth manner.
Pleasure derived, enjoyed.

will update with more quirks! :)

Life aint that bad huh?

2008-09-09T03:39:00.003+05:30

Well, I have lately been excessively whining about how my life is uneventful and even under zero gravity, it sucks!

So I have decided (desperately, for my selfish benefit) to note down one incident, each day, which I think was the highlight of that 24 hour period. However trivial it might be or be seen as, that is and would be IT.

Knowing myself and assuming my expert knowledge on that subject to be accurate, I might not pursue this line of thought in the future. So I writing this right here and now. And NOW, I am raking my short-term memory field (I have spatial problems) to figure out the IT for the past week. If it makes me feel good, then I shall continue.

September 1: National Holiday in the United States of America and hence I sat at home and chilled on the first day of the month.

Nov 1st, 3rd year college, Dhanya (Neethu and I enjoying the evening at Aiwas): I believe that whatever we do on the first day of the month is what we would be doing the rest of the days of that month. We have started our month well :) (Not in quotes; in context)

5+7 = 6+6 (or whatever, hence deduced)

September 2: Scratch Scratch Scratch! Mom was at home. I got up early but not because of the annoying, eternally hungry cat of mine.

September 3: Went out with mom after a really long time to Little Italy. She ordered something which uncannily had the taste of a very famous south-Indian dish. Spent time figuring that out until the yummy Tiramisu arrived.

Bliss found, everything else forgotten.

September 4: Coffee at Barista after such a long time. Hot chocolate on a cold night is heaven.

September 5: Forgot to wish Neethu at 12. I did not say that the incident needs to be a happy one! Unhappy… tried to blame it on the alarm. I hadn’t kept one!

September 6: Met Santhosh after a long time. We wore the same coloured clothes, again. Three times in a row! Next time will message to find out what he is wearing. And I am saying this without trying to be corny …

I walked a lot. So much that I started getting pissed off. Not a good sign. Increase in patience level noted and patted. On the way to destination Ice n Spice, we sat at a bus stop for some rest.

1. We felt old. (It was Bhomi’s birthday so he had the right to! Dhanya, Santhosh and I looked plain, and painfully, guilty)
2. The bus stop was filthy and dusty. Reason: It was an abandoned stop. We looked like tourists, or worse, idiots!
3. Home delivery :D

September 7: Sunday. Do I need an incident to make me happy? God took a break and brought happiness to mankind, every week.

September 8: An incident happened today which made me think of writing this post. Nothing ground breaking. But I might have broken a few bones.

I fed Whiskas to my pet cat. (Yeah she and her expensive taste in food) and came into the living room with my eyes glued to the television. After minutes of standing there, not knowing how time had passed by or how quickly Betty had gobbled her food, I stepped backwards towards the couch.

In the meanwhile, Betty had made herself cosy at the foot of the sofa and she within seconds she saw my foot landing on her. My poor baby …

She scratched me and growled and I yelled because I think she might be pregnant and I was in pain. Both of us for five whole seconds yelled in our own species’ tongue. I laughed it off but she wasn’t too happy about it. But then I realised that nothing a little petting and cajoling cannot do. (This effectively meant that she got pampered, extra food, extra milk and I opened the door when she wanted to go gallivanting)

Cat is alive, for the people who care my toe is alright too :)

So you see my life is not as bad as I picture it to be and if I look deep, really dig deep inside, I can come up with incidents that make my life look like there is life to it and in it.

At least I am trying :-)

Chasing Dreams

2008-09-07T16:21:00.002+05:30

I had a dream of being chased. First by Nazi looking guys and then once I jumped off the roof, I got into a huge residential area. Weaving through the small houses, I was now chased by goondas who looked they were from interior Tamil Nadu with sickles in their hands. I have no clue why and believe me hiding near the sliding doors of a lift is not a good idea when the lift has mirrors all around :-) Such a giveaway!!! lol

I went online to find out what were the explanations for dreams of being chased and here was what one of the websites said:

Dreams about being chased often stem from feelings of anxiety in your waking life. The way we as humans respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in dream scenarios, you are being pursued by an attacker (can be human, could be an animal) that wants to hurt, or possibly kill you.

Dreams about being chased may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting your problems, you are running away from them and avoiding them.

The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent a part of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a chase dream, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you.

A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault in which we are so over-exposed from the media. The violence that the media portrays magnifies our fears and how at risk we all are.

So next time I write a sequel to this post, I am hopefully updating it with the comments from my attacker!

Why are you chasing me?

Distant sound of bullets entering a person :)

Sahara

2008-09-03T23:01:00.004+05:30

Do read this article on Sahara, an Artic seal who doesn’t like the cold. (From Times online website)

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article4615195.ece

The first comment on the article hits the bull’s eye! At least the first part of it

Lord Byron - Romance, an era

2008-09-03T00:42:00.002+05:30

Lord Byron moves me to tears.

I want to be in the romantic era.

Words words words!!!! Mesmerising!

Shit!

"And thou art dead, as young and fair
As aught of mortal birth; And form so soft, and charms so rare,
Too soon return'd to Earth!
Though Earth receiv'd them in her bed,
And o'er the spot the crowd may tread
In carelessness or mirth, T
There is an eye which could not brook
A moment on that grave to look. "

Am I grumbling?

2008-09-03T00:14:00.001+05:30

I need to get out of here. I need to get out of Bangalore for goddamn good! I need a new life and nice one to boot!

And I want to repeat the above sentences over and over again until I get an answer telling me to how to go about it.

I found the answer is NOT within me.

It is NOT within reach.

How much ever I try, MONEY comes in the way. I found how much ever money I earn it would never be ENOUGH.

I cannot be in my tattered shoes anymore. I am getting a HEADACHE being me.

I am HAVING a headache.

Nothing goes my way. The way I am going is MOST probably and would be the worst possible way I could ever take.

Comes LATE

Goes early

I want to break things. I want to scream like I am in a horror movie. I want to scream because I have to live MY Life!

I want to work and study.

It is so fucking depressing in this place. It is just so fucking depressing! Just so fucking depressing!!

Best Friends' Weddings

2008-09-01T14:10:00.002+05:30

Last week vanished like a dream.

A great start for a new beginning.

Memories to be forgotten only to be replaced with new ones of togetherness.

(Made me wonder why I never went back to Chennai earlier)

Two beautiful brides (and ok-ok looking grooms :-) Great guys for my awesome friends.

Opposite ends of the world meet here, part here to different parts of the world.

Imagining Opera House, Coral Reefs, Ground Zero and the Niagara Falls (Obviously sitting on the beach in Nice).

When shall we meet again? (Mouthing a prayer)

Soon, real soon.

Wedding Chimes

2008-08-22T11:27:00.001+05:30

Jingles of the ornament still rings in my ear

Of a happy life, an end, a begin, with fear

My footsteps traced from the umbilical cord

To the blood ties bonded before the Lord

Tears of joy floods spaces all around

Starry eyes for the days waiting to be found

Fare the well, to the old, with a heart so heavy,

A welcoming smile to the new us and we

This poem is dedicated to my two best friends who are getting married on Aug 27, 2008.

With loads of love, hugs and prayers! :)

Have a great married life!

Easy comes, easy goes

2008-08-02T02:42:00.003+05:30

Why is pain entertained more than joy?
Can gravity be blamed for tears to drop?
A thought worthy of ponder, this is my boy,
Human act of inhumanity upon him, has it no stop?

Is reality a good teacher? A guide to follow with rules
Or is he a mere preacher? A walking stick for noble fools
Are we one of them? I innocently dare to ask
Can I answer myself? Truth an inevitable task

For pain, resignation welcomed on a red carpet
This is just the beginning, a sigh, a why
For joy, indignation walled by a tight corset
How long will it last, an end, a goodbye.

Bangalore blasts- are u having a blast?

2008-07-26T00:27:00.004+05:30

Yesterday…

I was reading a post written by one of my good friends. He had articulately given his opinions about personal complaints.

Today…

There were 7 blasts in Bangalore, the place where I live. Three of the areas where the bomb went off were near my home.

Now… This moment!

I am alive. My limbs are working well, although sometimes they protest due to lack of activity or groan because of too much forced movement from all the exercise that I am getting (yeah right!).

I have a sense of humour or I think I do. If I bored to death by someone who isn’t I complain. But I am still alive.

So what gives me the right to complain?

My working conditions are horrible. But then you are still working and you get paid and you are buying, spending it on things that bring you joy. Temporary, but none the less, joy!

You had plans for the weekend but you live to see another Saturday night.

And believe me, I was just beginning to feel bad about my horribly failed weekend plans, when I heard that three of the blasts which took place at three areas which are close to each other and one of them happens to be where I live. It could have happened in the bus stop near my home. It didn’t. I am alive.

One of the blasts that happened was in Shivaji Nagar. This is where my friends and I would have been tomorrow. What if the blasts had taken place then? Worst of all... What if only I survived? Three of us are alive.

How would it be if I was walking one day, loving the beautiful evening sun, the pleasant breeze, enjoying the lovely scent of my new L’oreal shampoo and conditioner (which by the way I saved every penny to buy) and I had no idea how the next moment felt like because I was blown up? How will it be?

Well, although I joked about it being a “Near Death experience”
It wasn’t. Not even remotely close.

From Now on...
I think I am going to indulge in that L'oeral shampoo and conditioner now. Walk in the moonlight coming up!

Room

2008-07-10T21:33:00.002+05:30

I see a room
devoid of happiness
devoid of joy.

I see a room
completely swept clean
a stick and broom.

I see a room
where existed sweet love making
sweet nothings to the brim.

I see a room
filled with bitter spats
a knife and sword.

I see a room
where I once was
I now am
at the threshold I stand
I faintly hear the room say
but its echo is what I listen
Will it ever happen again?
He is my religion and me his pagan

Love and her life

2008-05-13T14:41:00.002+05:30

Love is like a whistling whore

Sexes and seduces

In tune with her melancholic folklore

She perishes in another’s passionate fire

Consummating her true self

As she beckons her highness, majesty or sire

Any dawn and dusk is far too anew

Spreads and screams

Left thousands who have tasted her on cue

She drags from one man’s arm to the others bed

Coaxes and caresses

In sweet illusion she skips away to the dead.

Adieu

2008-05-06T03:11:00.001+05:30

Do I turn to you, my love

At this moment of tragic inheritance

Or do I turn to you, my passionate word

To lay my bloody sword in meek acceptance

Coerced to the helm, partaken in both

To whom do I bid adieu is my own

Nothing left to perchance

Regret in the aftermath, none of which unavoidable

Love, they say, is blind

Led my hand where the hearts’ foreseen unkind

I have not sailed the seven seas

Nor climbed treacherous mountains

But give myself in his hands of peace

Yet to me the same sweet is my sour

For my words, I never did have to lure

To flow a path they picked

They rose and fell on their torrid fate

Not like anything man can ever make

But words, now owe it to him, their head and their toe

In birth speaketh his name, as in death

In his joy, in sorrow, in his humble and in vain

Here I place myself at the crossroads

Coerced to the helm, with a partake in both

Cause every pride has no more than one king

For I must chose the ruler of my married ring

Do I turn to you, my love

Do I turn to you, my word