I don't

I feel cornered by my emotions. They are there, unwilling to budge, but I have applied grease for it to slide. This is not an easy task. I am trying to say these things out loud so that they go away. I am trying to accept things that I cannot change and to have the grace to accept events as they come.

My friend compared our sadness to people in Sudan who have a dearth of common amenities that we so easily take for granted, to a mother who suffers from cancer yet smiles knowing very well that each living day could as well be her last. But it does not help you separate your pain from your physical body or mental cognition. Stay positive, they say. Yes, I will but in an aspect that you wouldn't want me to. No, you wouldn't want that.

I have the wrappers
I have the 5 rupees
I have the blackness
I have the red tees
I have the handle
I have the shell
I have the song
I have the key
I have the sand
I have the watch
I have the train

But then I don't...