28 March, 2007

What is the Color of Anger?


I get angry with the quiet and peace it embodies.

Marriage deal

Marriage. Wedding and the Aftermath.

I make this whole marriage deal sound more gruesome than it already is. I can't understand. I really do not and I am hyperventilating now. Just a year ago, we were full of dreams of going to places, making money, meeting new people, falling in love with life and love.

Suddenly the sunsets. To give rise a new day! With new dreams and aspirations. So what did the last 20 years of dreaming about the old dreams mean? Nothing? It vanished in milliseconds. Yes you can see new places, meet new people but with a strong responsibility of having a husband, building a relationship, creating a family.

Probably I am not the marrying kinds or not yet come to that stage of wanting to get married. For me now it seems like giving into the norms of the society. Your old enough, get married. I am giving into fate prescribed for me, a medicine for old age. I don't deny the fact that I want kids and build a family but how can any girl who has not brought up in a family who have enforced the fact that she will marry as soon as college gets over, think of marriage over career? I would have flipped if my parents asked me to get married if I was in India working or something!

I am extremely disturbed. I understand the logical explanations of priorities change and she is ready for marriage and crap like that but How can You give up 20years of Dreams for a WHOLE new set of dreams. At a throw away, cheap price?

Fairy tale

Dream, she sat, her hands on the window sill, her head laying across her hand. The perfection.

The Cinderella notion of romance in her head. Twirling and making noise. Sunrise, sunset, heart beating in unison. The touches, caresses. The silly meaningless fights, vocabulary flying across the room with gusto of battle and the exaltation of winning, The soft whispers into her soul which no words can express. Walking hand in hand along on Venus or Mars. Zodiacs, celestial beings and destiny coinciding with her heart's desire. She called out to the dark blue night, calling out to the moonlight to throw some stars to decorate her emotion. The cool ripples in the icy waters. High seas and vast ocean wasn't deep enough. The gentle splash cusped with the twinkling eyes.

He was to come anytime. He said he will. She pushed the thought that invaded her. Sinking feeling that he might not come. She pushed the thought away, as time was passing by. He was not at war to hope he was alive. He was not at the merchants to hope that he earned some profit. He was still in her heart. HERS. and SHE was in his.

Will this fairytale have a happy ending?

Bachelor Boy

25 March, 2007

I have only heard my mother's version of this song. Bachelor boy. I did not know who sang the song. I did not bother to ever check cause for me my mom's version was the best.

The way she sang it, also had the intention of teaching me that this is how it probably is for many. With so much of enthusiasm she used to sing it and I always looked at her with this incredulous look of 'how the hell do u come up with songs like these?' I mean from where? School? College? Oh please not from her mother!!?!!' She used to sing it in front of my friends sometimes (not particularly only this song, many others also)

Today I was jobless and I suddenly got reminded of this song. Cliff Richards sang this and I found it on you tube.

Nothing beats the way she sings it. For the first time Cliff Richards sucks. No fascination in my emotions. Just a smile to my mother who made the song rock!!!


Slithering across a lone heart
within the immovable grey
chips of the block
round and round speeding pace
the beat of time
glorious grace ticking into the seconds
mirrored splinters prick less

in paradise we all want to be
anything less is a random key
another day another to see
baby in the end its just you and me.

water and me

17 March, 2007

Descending hurriedly yet gracefully eagerly waiting to see the beauty that lay ahead. The slithering curves that wash the sandy white shores. Blue. I can see blue and green all around me. A broken old tree trunk to add to the mighty waters. I(s)Land in the core. High seas, softly caressing my feet, tempting, teasing and shuffling away.

The same excitement I feel from when I was a child.
"Beach beach ikku ponum. Amma beachikku ponum"

A distant whistle. Like a woman asking to listen to her quiet heartbeat. Fluctuating in joy. I take quick steps to get to where the music is generated. Brown, muddy all around. Not dirty just earthy. A bent tree with leaves in decay. Water cascading from the heights. Not very far, not very tall. Yet immense.

The same excitement I feel from when I was a child.
"Kootitu poriya???"


12 March, 2007

ME= would be the result when ure work life and social life goes for a fcuking toss at the same time. Completely spaced out. Its amazing me! I thought the previous years were bad but I had my defenses up... But this time its broken down. I am sitting in class and nothing is in my head.
BLANK ... Teacher is saying something. Like in a movie with mute button. I can see her lips moving and I can distinctly hear the words, a rhythmic volume, language known but I cant comprehend. I just cant register her words, the gravity of what I feel.

I have no right to crib. I am in LONDON!!! there are people who would have killed to be in my place, here, now!

Love Lost.
Labour Lost.
Never had it.
Never could.
Virgin emotions
Some raped
Washed away
Decayed with time.

Flittered in the wild night...

I have no right! There is no running off this time. I am not being optimistic but stubborn. I knw what I think is true. I know things last forever. I know love is the only thing that can change the world. I know there are obstacles.. But this humungous??? probably my love wont survive. Casualities are there in war!

But I Will stand and fight hope, faith and rational, truth against each other, together...


11 March, 2007

I think that I have loads of patience. Maybe not with myself but I do. But I just can't keep my cool with certain people.

She is nice. Good company (people say!!!) But she does not have the concept of understanding the mood and the crux of the situation. And WHATS WITH GIRLS ACTING DUMB IN FRONT OF GUYS???

I mean You girls are extremely intelligent, great conversationalists and For God sakes you rule the roost. Have'nt you heard that the one who rocks the cradle, rules the world??? Eventually ul get there... In the mean time don act stupid! I somehow dont have the patience for that annoying child like talk and behavior. Yes once in awhile when ure making fun but not when there is something really important going on.

ok I am saying two different things here... STOP acting dumb when guys are around. YES! We know (or consider) they are dumb but I am sure they would also like an intelligent conversation with light hearted humour once in a while. If you dont have guys like that around you, tuf luck!!!

Next know your audience or please be aware of the situation. Its like going to a funeral and laughing about, I dunno, SOMETHING IRRELEVANT!!!!

I am so infuriated at this point...
Chapter closed!


life and death

07 March, 2007

Once you taste me you can never rest
Try try and try your best.
A single touch
A single breathe
Forever scatter and crave for death.


After 21years of existence I was enlightened and awarded wisdom by the W3. Do you see a bright halo around my head?

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Tsu!

  1. Some hotels in Las Vegas have tsu floating in their swimming pools.
  2. Only one person in two billion will live to be tsu.
  3. The deepest part of tsu is over 35,000 feet deep.
  4. Snow White's coffin was made of tsu.
  5. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of tsu in a day!
  6. Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of tsu, and frequently rise to the surface for air.
  7. Tsu is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
  8. Tsu can sleep with one eye open.
  9. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Tsu', hated tsu and only wrote the book at her publisher's request!
  10. About one tenth of tsu is permanently covered in ice.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Question and answer

06 March, 2007

why do I always run away before it starts?
why do I take a chance when I know it isnt meant to be?
I know that there is nt a future to it, I go ahead! Head on...
When I know there is an end to this, I hold back.

What is this obssession with the unknown and boredom with the known. Curiosity, sometimes. Excitement, for how long? Bound to leave me in Confusion, which I dont appreciate.

I think of all people I am the most committment phobic in the world. I mean I know that I usually have complete confidence in myself, in the sense if I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions however wrong the results are or let me put it this way, however the result has deflected from the expected. Taking life as it comes is a different thing. This is like I am studying post grad do get a MA.

If it feels right, it most probably is. I dont get that feeling cuz I have this perpetual doubt of things going wrong all the time. I always have a plan B. That might be a wise thing to do but, its like we all knw that one day we are going to die but we dont live life thinkin we will die one day right? Then why do I question the end when it has not yet begun???
I am not pessimistic.

I ask for loyalty. will I be loyal?
Yes, the passion dies away so will it be like I am in and there is no way out but stay???
I am not throwing questions at life. I am at myself.
I am no different from the person I critisize about being callous of other people's feelings cuz I am the same for others.
Where have I Begun?
Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees