30 December, 2006

I have suddenly become obsessed with poetry. I cant believe that I could ever hold on to any of my whims for so long.

Its been little more than a year when i first wrote a poem and I liked what I could do with words that by themselves were just words but gave a deep insight into the poet's state of mind when strung together.

Whenever I sit in front of the computer my hands on their own go to google and type the words poetry. Poems. Someone's favorite, my favorite, similar frequency.

one day mine? I have never dreamed of publishing any of my poems. I think there are greater poems that have been written by so many other people. And the most convincing reason would be that I am content to write it only for myself and a couple of my friends.

Came across this poem by a Kashmiri poet -Bilhana Kavi called BLACK MARIGOLDS (The legend goes that he fell in love with the daughter of King Madanabhirama, Princess Yaminipurnatilaka, and had a secretive love affair. they were found out and he wrote this 50 stanza poem while waiting in the prison. Waiting for his sentence- life or death)

Where beautiful things can be created is a miracle
in the gallows or under the deep blue sky!!!


28 December, 2006

I want to write and I want to write so much and then the thoughts are so private as well...
Sometimes you can not explain what you think or your opinion to people cuz they might not understand and from that become or turn hostile. At that point you lose faith in yourself for not being able to say what you have to say and think how can the other person not be able to understand that point when everything, every other emotion is understood or proclaimed to be understood.
I am not too sure whether I can back up all that I ve said in the above paragraph and again I want to write. It means that I would just write stuff for the heeck of it as well. Seems like it doesnt it? I think in the whole of my life that is the only question that I have an answer for!

I read my blog posts a couple of them and I am an Emotional WRECK!
I haTE it
and I beat Lakshman in TT... I actually BEAT lakshman!
He is a WRECK Too...
Kshitij is happy and GAY! wrecked a couple of gals lives.
Wrecked ship! saw titanic in my dream . . .



24 December, 2006

a lone tear,
slicing through
chunk of pain

a droplet
on my left
hot wave of the trickle
jabbing clean me

palms facing into my face
arms on my breasts
heave, heave

a distant tune
rythm forgotten

a strenuous swallow
neck bent at an angle
words raped
repeated over
and ever too few. . .


23 December, 2006

"Yisgadal, veyiskadash, shmey raba. . ." May His name be celebrated and sanctified.
In the history of Jewish men had ever before recited the Kaddish for themselves.

To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time.

"With only one desire to eat I no longer thought of my father or my mother. From time to time I would dream. But only of soup, an extra ration of soup."

That was when i began to hate them, and then my hatres remains our only link today.

"Our first act as free men was to throw ourselves onto the provisions. No thought of revenge. Only of bread."

We saw flames rising from a tall chimney into a black sjy. A strange stench floated in the air.

"Very close to us stood the tall chimney of the crematorium's furnace. It no longer impressed us. It barely drew our attention."

I am walking down the path where people have fallen dead
the sunshine barely surviving, hanging by a thread
homes deserted, earth desolate
blood and soup are raw, left to percolate
the sticks and cries of agony long a fade
Burning masses of family picked up by a spade

Never shall I forget those flames that consumed my faith forever

Never shall I forget the nocturnal silence that deprived me for all eternity of the desire to live

Never. . .

Transported by foot from hell to hell
our mind, a place that our foot did not dwell
No father, no son bond ever could last
no future looked so bleak though a memorable past.
mere objects, tools
dancing, marching to the order
of men and men and men who ruled them.

Auschwitz I can do no more justice to you.
MT this post is dedicated to you. We never went dead silent except for this one. I wrote mine at last. . .

Hard to digest!

22 December, 2006

The funniest thing happened today.
I saw a book.
"Selected Love Poems by Hardy"

dedicated to all the students that had to read tess of d'urbevilles (even reading the summary counts) to pass in their exams!!!

(his poems are pretty good but comparing it with the book we had to go thru... boy! nasty)

Clear thoughts on a foggy day

20 December, 2006

amazing the clarity
that comes on a foggy day
morning, noon and night in disparity
thoughts that go fray.

vast space of white
engulfing anything
exsisting only, a mere far light
rudely in shambles, a mighty sting.

Can't fight the moonlight!

Gut talk

19 December, 2006

Have you ever felt that something is quite not right. there is nothing apparently wrong with you(other than the normal irregularities, subtle expression) but you know there is an impending doom, looming over your head.

The players are shaping up but ... i cant place my finger on what the next move is...
the games have begun... The dice is rolling. Now just have to wait for the message to be brought unto the world!!!

its not gonna be pretty. it never is. you can never be prepared.

non- optimistic thought. One of those things in life ...!!!

18 December, 2006

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me
at the shore of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off to seek another land.
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished
or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-Pablo Neruda
If you studied literature with me in jpeng2006 then you would remember his poem tonight i could write the saddest lines.
Whenever i start to write a poem or a few words that would express the feeling i am feeling I stop myself and wonder whether i need to lament my misery to the whole wide world? And reading his poems the openness he exudes never ceases to amaze me!!!
i am annoyed and estatic that someone can actually write what he actually feels. ACTUALLY FEELS! yes ure are going to maybe hurt the other person, but it is his opinion and they are not long in the priority of consideration but to accept it to yourself is freedom. its pure freedom!
kudos to u!

Humble me! Both of us???

The plan was conjured into reality:


The first holiday in months. Gruelling three months of hard work.

Canterbury cathedral. Constructed by the Romans. This time really ancient. (1070 AD)

Starbucks coffee shop adjacent to the cathedral which is in one of the buildings of the monument itself.

A whole day of being with friends, something which was heavily lacking was a social life.

Spend time with nice tamilian guy. Interesting as well. Stumps me sometimes.

One Hitch:

The bus leaves at 5 in the morning.
Baah!!! Time never stopped me from going on vacation. I am not too happy with the early rise and shine but the journey steals the show in the end.

Baaaaaaahhhh!! We are talking about Shashank and me people. No one calls us late. EVER!!! Cause we are always never late. Beware of arriving late with me, I unleash my wrath and Shashank doesn’t say anything till he pulls it up at an instant when you don’t want to hear that you came late (Who came late that day…)

Imagine the fights that would every time happen whenever we made plans to meet up.?! We need Beej to settle it most of the times (he never knew what international peace settlement talks he was involved in!!)

ALARMing situation:

Take a W i l D guess … yes the two time sticklers missed the stipulated the time. We would have also reached there if it was not for the stupid bus stop that remained hidden from sight. Then the mix up happened. Both of us went in completely different directions to end up in the same bus stop missing the bus.

Next one in half hour.

Me not happy.
Shashank singing his blues away.
Me not happy with his singing.

Wait in silence. Very very humbling experience.

pRicky: ho dum dad um la :P jazz blaaa maaaa… theee teee heeeee bluum bllloo
tsu: are my nasty thoughts about strangling him, loud?
pRicky: blaaa maa laaa duckh cuckh…!!!
tsu: I want to feel the warm bed beneath me.
pRicky: are you going to be pissed off the whole day now?
tsu: yes.
pRicky: thought so.

Time ticks, painfully slow. Morning is dawning painfully fast.

tsu: I hate to be a pessimist but I don’t think that we will be able to make it to the station.
pRicky: laughs out loud! For crying out loud, this was the most hilarious situation we have ever been. Just the two of us usually nearly kill someone but this time it was a totally different ball game.

Walking back to the dorm:

Two foxes playing with each other on our campus
pRicky I don’t like you this happy! 10 fucking pounds man!!!
Good na otherwise we would have spent more after we went there.
Stupid boy! Lets see which way did you come from man??? I took the fastest route. So when you came this way I was there.
I saw a light and followed it to the bus stop. (In the spirit of Christmas uh huh?)
I saw a black spec and thought thank god she reached.
No one in the world has EVER called me a spec. This needs to be recorded.
What would you call prince Charles when he is cold? The Royal Blue… he he he… sadness.

Lets go and sleep, get up and have a great British breakfast of bread and eggs.
Sounds good to me.
And hence the journey of our walk back to the dorm ended. We are planning to upload the pictures very soon. Maybe postcards. Christmas and new years here we come. Are we there yet??? PucK!!!

never a mull moment!!!

Mulled (pronounced as mule d) wine, the German Christmas special was the highlight of the day. It is a hot drink made with herbs, spices and sugar. It is a traditional drink that first was brewed for people who went out shopping for Christmas in the freezing month of December. Cinnamon leaves its taste lingering in the mouth which gives utmost pleasure to the drinker.

We went to Shann and Clara’s home. Cosy and snuggle. The custom of advent brings such a warm feeling to all. The calendar which has the dates from the first of December to 24th and (usually children) each day the door to the day’s date is opened. You could find small gifts, chocolates or verses from the Bible or pictures that signify Christmas and family.

Clara decided to give Shann a small gift every day until Christmas. And in his unforgettable words, “I shamelessly get up early in the morning to see what she has bought me.” The children in all of us surfaces during festivity and this is the only reason I do not want to think of the pollution crackers are causing or how much disruption it is causing to the calm of the neighbourhood. People who complain have lost the kid in them. (This is barring all the people who have physical illness that are heightened)

Well, then I moved on to white wine and this is the first time I liked its taste. It was not the usual bitter self but nice. To top it all off was the chocolate trifle and oh boy!!! There is nothing more tempting than a layer of chocolate sauce at the bottom, a top of soft cake, chocolate cream and a healthy swirl of whipped cream. Whipped cream couldn’t be more yum, why would anyone want to whip it? Whootish! Has someone got a swing in their bedroom??? Wink!

In a few words loved the evening completely.

series of unstoppable thoughts

17 December, 2006

I want one night of peaceful after a stressful presentation week. Susha and Priyanka left. Odd timings.
Fire drill. Monsterous

Had a dream that I cannot remember. I do remember but I can’t imagine myself in that position. No fairy tales for me. Nothing with what was involved in it as well. I think Me Thinks was there with me. I can expect only her to be there with me… compromising positions. Nothing dirty except crawling in mud.

I don’t want to have a long term relationship with a computer, mine or anyone else’s. I want people and people can also include only me(and hence these thoughts)
Heading right where I don’t want to…

Have to write letters to my friends back home. Spent money on myself and only letters for friends
Cheap skates

Can I finish one whole bottle of vodka? One night at the 88 O kitchen.

Photo with tom the resident pest controller, cutie pie. Will die if he was with me. Scared

Here with me.

Word ‘with’ is being used again and again. Unnecessary.

Desi friend posted similar idea (feels like i am copying stuff, birds of the same feather??? cant be)

Missed the bus to Canterbury. Blame on the alarm that dint go off!!! i missed the cathedral but saw two foxes in our campus.

Understand why Logan raves abt the morning! Loved it as well. Possiblity of my not liking getting up is the reason for disdain of mornings.

Helpless. Intense, immense...

Friends in shit, psychiatrist office, work and I cant support ANY of them. Cruel.

Empty. emptiness engulfing mind and soul. Body will wither. Soon. 80 yrs old to the grave.

Another head hangs lowly, in your head. In mine.

miss me please

16 December, 2006

I am not too sure whether it was that one glass of white wine from France, i had to try or the fact that i dint sleep too well for the past two days but i feel like CRAP!!!
But i know what... if there is one person i JUST cant get myself to say bye to is Susha!!! I am standing in the hall way and wondering whether i should have asked mom whether i could go to bahrain with her this christmas. If i had asked her i know it would have broken her heart.
I couldnt come to ask her that.
Miss ya susha!!! Come back fast...

My favorites

13 December, 2006

After staring at the computer screen for more than five minutes I came to the conclusion that I want to for once take a stand on things that I absolutely love. This is a hard thing for anyone to do as no one has one particular favorite, in everything. I am going to try and try hard I am going to, to pick one thing! If I was stranded on an island, naa lets make this my dream. If I was stranded in the deserts of Africa with obviously a tv!!!
which would I love having with me to survive the ordeal???
Book: harry potter
Movie: my best friends wedding
Tv Channel: star world(stunned that i took so long in answering that and natgeo came to mind first!!!)
Tv program: FRIENDS(no doubts abt that)
Music Band: Westlife
Solo: Bryan Adams(anyday of the week and twice on sundays;-)

Hopefully Yours

11 December, 2006

this word is a tricky thing...!!! "hope can never die" is highly over rated.
we live in a community. so all of us are inter connected.

i hoped that i want to go to london and my mom and friends hoped that i wont (no sinister reasons- cuz they will miss me)
a person in love with another hopes that the love will respond and the love is hoping someone else she/he likes will reciprocate!!!
a gal hopes her boyfriend will understand her and the he hopes that his girlfriend will understand that he cant think that much emotionally

so who wins?
who gets their hope fulfilled?
why is god partial?
how is it determined?
whose hope gets the top priority?
what does anyone do when two hopes are intertwined and ure hope gets smothered?

any answers? as my friend said god has his work cut out for him!!! this is his hope probably one day he will have uncomplicated hope requests!!!
till then

shopping COMPLEX

Its a fever... A state of being in a festive season! The feeling resonates among the old, new, wide and never just few...
"UPTO 70% OFF"
"BLAH BLAH BLOO BLOO" have u SEEN the prices in London????

I have become "one of them" Christmas has suddenly become my time to shop till (not drop) but run outta cash or start feeling VERY GUILTY!!!;-)

Conveniently i start converting the ££££££ KA CHING!!! when i cant decide whether to buy them or not!!! And and meanie me oh so generously bought a christmas gift for a friend and then very casually KNOCKED it off!!! BoOtS!!! (this is a private joke. like private parties! pissin off arent they???) SMile...

But this place gives me the complex, seriously.. i have not yet grasped the art of figuring which is worth the money and somethings which i think are, are too costly!!! so i am back to square one... I NEED money! and Loads of it too!!!
NOW DONT we ALL??? steam steaming streamlining my purchase complex!!! grrr...
Happy hols!!!

this is a bloody oxy f$&king moronish!

04 December, 2006

You Should Be A Cancer
What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous
What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand
In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection
In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support
Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure
Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood
You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese

Google bitch!

I just realised that i have already been classified by some moron on the net! I think i am a part GOOGLE BITCH (Researcher of the lowest order; a person who uses google to accomplish most of their daily work, often a task performed for someone too busy, important or ignorant to run a google search themselves.)

I was "google drifting" and found this website... urbandictionary.com
It can get very perverted and graphic be sure your ready to read some funny, gross and informative information(if u find some of those pass it on...)

There is a hole in the bucket. . .

There's a hole in my bucket,
dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket,
dear Liza, a hole.

Well fix it, dear Henry,
dear Henry, dear Henry,
Well fix it, dear Henry, well fix it.

With what shall fix it, . . .
With straw, . . .
The straw is too long, . . .
Well cut it, . . .
With what shall I cut it, . . .
With an axe, . . .
The axe is too dull, . . .
Then sharpen it, . . .
With what shall I sharpen it, . . .
With a stone, . . . .
The stone is too dry, . . .
Then wet it, . . .
With what shall I wet it, . . .
With water, . . . .
In what shall I fetch it, . . .
With a bucket, . . .
There's a hole in my bucket, . . .
This was one of my first memories of my mother singing to me when i really really dint wanna get outta my bed. The song was always so fascinating that it would come back to where it all started. A full circle!!!

spy me

01 December, 2006

Lance Price talk on the 30th of November at 5PM .. you should go and listen to him. he might touch upon the tpoics we discussed in class..
I received this mail from Pam, our course leader and for the first time I noted it down in my calender and it was worth the effort.
My first perception of him was that he is a no nonsense guy, just another bloke who was one of those journalists who jumped into PR. Well if not for money then for its charm! But the more deeper i started listenin to what he said the more and more captivated i was about the personality of a PR person! The words he used were simple and yet deep! And the question on his ethical standards, he merely dismissed it by saying that it was his job!
This concept of distinguishing between personal ethical standards and job description is like his somewhat blurred. this may not work with other people who think its morally incorrect to lie and they will uphold the truth, but thats where ppl like me come in. I guess i would sleep well at night...
isnt it like a spy???

Funeral Blues

30 November, 2006

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drumBring out the coffin,
let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

I heard for the first time in the movie Four weddings and a Funeral and wanted to save a copy. But never never made the time to. I saw the movie again a couple of days back and these words came back to haunt me.
There are certain moments in life when certain things happen and they fill the space perfectly. Other times go unnoticed and the due respect it needs is lost...
Keep a watch... A Thunderbolt may strike You anytime and any place...


29 November, 2006

the dark and barren land
quick change and the quick sand
times running out
to where does your loyalty due
worshipping a goddess who never knew
the true value of a man
who wont understand and never can!


28 November, 2006

Went to a pub/ disc yesterday! not bad! Kinda reminded me of Hint. Wished Killi was there. She would have loved it. it was like a west wing in a castle... purple and blue lights. with a screen for text messaging. one which stood out in my mind was "smile if you love sex!!!" i think everyone was stifling a laugh. And i am sure people wouldnt have been so much as bothered about it. (not yet a culture shock, jus difference!!!)
its all about the company in the end. So is the person you want to marry. why should going to the pub be any different???
there is no point to this ramble...

casino royale

25 November, 2006

"Do I look like I give a damn?"
(Daniel Craig when asked whether he wants his martini shaken or stirred)
NOW i wanna watch the movie...
attitude is all i am looking for!!!

la lal laaaaa

24 November, 2006

I did this in ninth or tenth standard and if this dumb thing works out i will give myself a nice pat on my back cuz my memory sucks big time
i checked out the result and now i have REMARKABLY HUGE BRUISE ON MY BACK ;-) ;-) i made my own day!!! I am the Bestest... wot joy!!!

Dieu et mon droit

23 November, 2006

"What about queen's crown? the kohinoor was brought from India." "This is the symbol for what again?" "what does it say?""just a second i was want to drink some juice" "i just made that up!!!" "it was a wild guess man"
"which one of the queen's sons is still married to the first woman he said i do too??" "All the sons and daughters are ugly" Barbara: "Antony what exactly do those french words on the emblem say???" "Diana was a saving grace" "Dodi Fayed must have been one special guy" "The jewels are in the Tower of London and you can pay around 10pounds to see them..." "Boy! thats a lotta money to see it.. go there steal them thats big money.."
Antony:" well it is translated as God and My Right!" "the anthem goes God save the Gracious queen not good ..." "the jewels are not in the buckingham palace? so weird!"
Barbara:"*Smiles and bows her head in adoration*"
God speed!

(Antony and Barbara are married for more than 20years. Met late in life, they have no children and have worked in china as english teachers)

Men Drive

21 November, 2006

If the question "what women want?" is unanswerable then try answering the question "what drives a man to do what they do?"
This post is an outgrowth of ponderer's post which poses way more questions than answers that women are looking for.
ALL i can (and i have tried an aweful lot) that men KNOW for a fact that the only way to hurt a gal is be ruthless with her feelings for an issue or the person himself. Its the inherent animal predator instinct to hit where it hurts the most. and the worst part is so does a woman but the ego part of a man doesnot allow him to express or accept the fact that he is hurting!
I know i am sounding merciless as well but thats how it has happened to me and it could be different for u!!!

what to do???

19 November, 2006

i am so restless today
boredom seeping thru my skull
i want to get up and run in the cold and also to sleep tight in my bed
sitting in front of the computer in the library(shocking i know)
reading,nearly done with murder in the cathedral(doubly shocking i know that too)
t.s.elliot should stick to writin poetry... its jus in his way of creating mindblowing poetry!!!
debating with heart of darkness!

past breaks its coffin
fastened and nailed
sealed in the gravel so plentiful
in memories forever caged and jailed...

au revoir...

Pride and prejudice

12 November, 2006


I rest my case!

Leap of Faith

Head of the alive
falling towards the foot of the dead,
from the word of begin you left me,
right till the very end.
Darkness merged into black,
the white light beckoning...

Bright, bright light
warm, so warm
I scramble towards it
fingers tingling
a leap of faith...


08 November, 2006

Word over all, beautiful as the sky!
Beautiful that war, and all its deeds of carnage, must in time be utterly lost;
That the hands of the sisters Death and Night,
incessantly softlywash again, and ever again, this soil'd world:...
For my enemy is dead--a man divine as myself is dead;
I look where he lies, white-faced and still, in the coffin--I draw near;
I bend down, and touch lightly with my lips the white face in the coffin.

-Reconciliation by Walt Whitman


07 November, 2006

07 November 2006

I committed a HUGE mistake. I read some of my old mails from my friends. Mails written at different points in time.
I could almost see and feel the change in tones, what exactly is being said and how it could have be misleading and misunderstood(it was misread by me, leading to unwanted assumptions)
Its not that I suddenly have become mature or any gr8 stuffing but its the clarity with which you can visualise the mistakes uve committed, the wrong decisions you have made, the twisted path taken to attain salvation but never reached there. You get to that higher plane cause you have lived through the repercurssions.
I hate it. Nothing can be done except I am never gonna read them ever again!


04 November, 2006

I am NO chef nor one of those academic experts(who just study and not usually practice!) in the art of calming down the grumbles and the rumbles of a hungry stomach but i recently realised that SALT, this soft white and powdery substance that could be mistaken for mashed dried up white paint(wonder y anyone would mash paint and substitute it for salt???), chalk powder, or even cocaine(where where where???;-) could actually decide the fate of the comments ure gonna finally receive for all that cullinary magic!
So now that i wrote a whole post about how great S&S are in the kitchen i would like to highlight the fact that both of them ask me to add salt to their dish.(WHAAAAT? i dint write anythin abt them,well thats ok.. il summarise thay cook well! there its in my post!)
Now eyes back to me! so what was i saying? Nothing significant actually...
  • Salt-most important ingredient in any dish, should be accurate for desired result;
  • S&S are great cooks, yum dishes!
  • I PUT THE SALT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bon Apetite!

complicated life

30 October, 2006

Is love an obligation?
ofcourse i love you but care?
i do care but is what i have to offer enough?
with so many people demanding the same from you
can u afford to split?
Do u first of all wanto share it with them?
feeling pity? or just cant say no?
is it their fault or yours?
there is a blame game and the other person is in a maze with no exits!

I want to give it someone who longs for someone else...
who may not even exist?
is that fair to the person who wants it from me?
is that fair to myself to give it him?
what is it i am thinking?
being selfless to one and selfish to another...
that i might change one day?
hoping for what? a miracle? (listen to the wisemen!)
what if i dont?
go with assumptions?
without any backup?
do we need backup? presumtuous lot!

love cant be an obligation! but can it work anyway? (no gender issues here) will u be able to compromise? i cant... i wont!!! will u?

1000Rupees for a Chick and a Duck!

Chinese food for 10pounds ... Roasted Duck and shredded Chick!!!
Slap on Yum!!!
i think they would have been popular poultry in India...

Mighty Hope!

27 October, 2006

The fog and the snow
rise and fall for the mighty soul
on knees blackened with soot and coal
strong will and a fearful bow

he will once more stand erect
for every bosom beats his way
earthlings distance is but in your head
and time its measure

failure is inevitable
how the mighty have fallen
history is but the truth of the past
the sun will rise yet again
for hope is never lost.

A Watch dog and A Spin doctor- A profession!

26 October, 2006

A journalist and PR person is moslty seen at loggerheads with each other in the field of media. the crux of his existance is to bring the truth in the light and the competence of a PR practitioner is to give the news which is reputation damaging a spin, sugar coat it if i can put it that way.

These two professions are inter dependent in a way that both the parties do not want to accept a favour status. a journalist calls a PR person when he is dry and needs news. Inside story. And when a PR person needs publicity to project the client organization. Free Publicity.

NOW, the separation of professional outlook did not occur to me up until recently. Yesterday! We had a small debate where i could not persuade him to accept my views and he could not convince me of his. Well this is what "they" say! keep ure friends closer and enemies closer! nOWWWWW Which one would THAT be??? :-)

Heads or Tails

12 October, 2006

HIM: Gets up early and calls the morning beautiful... (barf!) Meticulously smoothens his bed and folds the covers neatly in a particular arrangement(OCD???).
SHE: Coils deep into the bed when the sun shines. Believes that there should be a better way to start a morning rather than having to wake up!(lazy) crumpled bedspread(well, not spread at all) blanket AND bed!

HIM: Drinks(noisily) cold chocolate(baby!)
SHE: Drinks coffee(oh how grown up!!!)

HIM: Gets ready for university half an hour before actual time. Makes breakfast for both. Makes lunch and is already thinking of innovative ideas for dinner! Strolls in for class on time.
SHE: Running to the class, she doesnt have any ideas where it is and thinking... Whats he gonna cook tonight? I am already hungry...

HIM: Chews loudly (on his gum[gham of not being home,with girl,food???]) to stay awake in lecture.
SHE: Snore snore zzzzzzzz.............

HIM: Enthusiastically rushes towards the library and orders for books from other campuses. Goes and collects his camera equipment and figures the mechanisms out.
SHE: Snore zzzzzzzzzzz....... uh huh! What??? HEY i am not in a course where we have any equipment except our brains(rusted? nah! should be in use... RECONSIDERING course!!!)

HIM: Health Conscious(FreAK!!!) ... If not in the gym,pushups in the room. Boy! get down and gimme 20!!! :)
SHE: Ju Jitsu classes(cute cop instructor... drool drool... sigh) various positions to chk him out and workout sessions have begun!!! Kick boxing is Violence(no hots for the instructor and too many ab exercises, CRUNCH!!!)

HIM: I am going to make the university pay me my tuition fee back by renting all the foreign movies and reading all the books from the library, every night... The double life of Veronica(krzysztof kieslowski) Casablanca(girl's choice... macho image not romance!!! wat re u talking abou???)
SHE: WHAAATEVERRRR (Likes the idea but nonchalant!!!:)

HIM: I am feeling sleepy(Clock Strrrrikkkkes 12)
SHE: LetS PartEY!!! But okay u wanna sleep, I will talk something interesting
HIM: Bitch! there goes my sleep
SHE: Giggle Giggle...!!! uh huh! Shashank???
HIM: zzzzzzz....... I wanna call up the . . .(brit accent!!!) ya da ya da ya da...(luckily its not sleep walking!!!)
SHE: Sigh! he is in dreamland already!... (drumming fingers...) SO what do You think he will cook for tommorow???

Jesus Crew

09 October, 2006

So I am jobless. Like really jobless! Not that i have work that is boring so i am jobless. I have classes only two days in the week. Wednesdays and Friday! i could have been doing a parttime course for all i care.
Well I start caring when i am not doing a part time and pssing away time. Money is a horrible constraint on having fun and even a restraining you from doing wat u always wanted to do in Europe- travel!!!
Coming back to the event I am trying to explain: Saturday like any other normal day of the week started out to be uneventful but then susha came and said I have been invited to this Jesus crew meeting. A place where we could meet people. Hmm... Interesting and i was curious to see how these christian meetings wher held. i have been to many bhajan sessions thank you very much!!!
We took off and reached the Marlybone campus in Baker's street. we walked inside to find that it was being held in a "bar" A proper bar!!! you know the warning bells that go off in ure head when u feel danger is staring at ure face? My head was exploding... But anyway we went to the meeting and the first impression was shattered. Pretty good people we met and the event was cool. with food and drinks, a waffle draw where i won a cd!:)

Then came a pastor. he was so young and the delivery of God's word was so powerful that everyone was nearly in tears. I have always felt it in my bones (and this occurs only in some temples and holy places of worship) where u can feel a vibe of prayer! Prayer constitutes itself into God and the presence is felt. Vibrant and positive. the energy is infallible. We came back so light hearted ... I cant argue with the people who have converted into christianity from their own faith because the people are so warm and most importantly the prayer is your own. No mantras and hymns that we dont even understand but repeat it with utmost gusto!

You Know....

02 October, 2006

You know you are old when:

We term the sound that kids make when they use a cacaphony of words as NoisE(before it was just stupid kids making talking loudly)
You start saying that "When i was young the prices were lower than this"
You are listening to ure favorite aartist and kids come and say Rod Stewart WhO???
You cant believe that kids in their second and third grade use swear words and that too in front of their parents(i never did maybe loads in "my generation also did") sigh
If you re sitting inside ure cozy house, snuggled up in ure warm bed and trying to fall asleep after a hard day's work and all u can hear is "bass boom" and wondering when this will ever stop and when il get a night's peaceful sleep
And if u are nodding along while reading this set of crappy lines written five min before dropping dead............... THEN my deaaar You Know what You are!!!

Frankly my dear, FucK oFF!!!
Gone with tha wind......................

big BEN

28 September, 2006

London bridge is falling D
he he eh am i excited or wat??? the place im living in is called Harrow and its about half an hour by "tube" (train ya!!!) from central London. its a peaceful country side kind of a place and the halls of residence is where we are living.
Three great things: I am outta home
I am staying in a hostel WITH plug points(ask susha ul know the sob story)
AND We share one kitchen among eight of us and this kitchen is like the meeting point for all of us... A guy from Canada, Palestine, France, China and ofcourse three INdians susha,shashank and myself...

Can u imagine the kind of intellectual talk that goes on in that room???
"kitna mirchi daaloon isme?"
"hey wat is that snake like noodliee thing ure eating?"
"That brown stuff looks like our khichidi!!!"

Sigh!!! life with a twist!!!
but till now i have eaten in a portugese restaurent, chinese and obviously subway!!! heheheeee
and about classes dont bother, neither are we....
susha is belting in classs though(so i have heard!!!)

Down the road

27 August, 2006

I was standing in a corner shop,in a huge line of people waiting to take photo copies. A girl with financial business book from the post graduation dept of Christ college. I smiled and turned towards this old gentleman. A look of exhaution was written across his face. But he had to finish the work he came for. People's lives depended on it! Yea... so did mine. if i dint get bak in time i would be dishonorably discharged from my house.
I then saw the papers he took out for photo copy. they were maths sums and my head snapped to concentration. AHa!he was one of those over enthu dads who do their sons or daughters dirty jobs. He whispered a number of copies. I turned my attention to a relatively younger guy chewing paan! Disgusting... My eyes travelled back to the old uncle with " viboothi pattai" i thought dude must be a tam for sure. At that moment the boy came with the xerox copies and said 60 copies. That got me a little suspicious. the number was too close to comfort.
Hopin that it wouldnt seem very obvious i leaned against the counter and then i saw it. jus like i remember all of them. Every single one of them. And the first thought was i wish i had it in my hand befor i attempted tham and sucked at it. It WAS a math paper for the 10TH grade students. THIS gentleman was ACTUALLY holding the strings to SO MANY lives. People's lives DID depend on That very slim sheet of paper.
Out of that SELFISH WISH of "oh! i wish i had it before my exam" i could visualise my own math teacher standing in the corner...

i am not making any sense today!

20 August, 2006

Its been a year... nearly! No not even close. Brings a smile and a tear. This is the first time i am thinkin this is a burden. To have so many things hidden from plain sight! Running away??? Not a chance!

*ka boom*

15 August, 2006

i saw KANK yesterday!!! some great soul did the editing for us! Bless the guy!

but one scene in the movie kinda made sense. i dunno yet whether i believe it or not. Life changes due to circumstances. that pulls the chord where we think our decisions control our life. i am not saying that the choices we make dont lead to 'circumstances' but this arguement is that circumstances form and we are forced to choose.
well i have this one situation. but circumstances beyond my control are moving the pawns. actually no! i can change that. but i dunno whether the path is right? worth travelling on?

Sometimes u cant promise cuz of the fear u wont be able to keep up but when ure frightened that that u wont be able to keep it up, hearts break!!! hurting more than the fact that u mite not be able to keep up the promise...

*Total annhilation*

MySORE trip

Su and I struggled outta the soft cozy bed covers on a sunday morning! Saturday passed so swiftly! Good fun...Bath took us both less than ten min!!! wonder whether the water even hit us??? with the cold mornin upon us i really dont rememmber!(pathetic excuse)
Went and woke up an auto man!(revenge for all those days they asked for extra money, bust their sleep)

THEN came the hit in the face... a mega huge queue for the tickets. the trrain which was leaving at 6.30, a line with more than 30 people and we arrive at 6.20. well u can guess what happened next! not exactly!!! our luck came a knocking. acually OPENING the other counter. HAlf the crowd rushed to the other line. Su was that many people closer to the counter... our hearts raced. "Maybe we can just make it in to the train"

WE made it, we made it... finally got the tickets. we ran towards the platform only to see the train pull away from the station. HORRIBLE feeling! anyway we caught the next train which thankfully was at 7AM. half an hour late! dint make a difference for me. the best trip ever! i slept like a rock. dint know the world around me... if there was a bomb on the train, i wuld ve died peacefully!!! ;) anyone wants to talk abt the worst case scenario- gotto hell...

Jumpin the time travel, we reach the infosys campus!!! one word : MASSIVE !!! brilliance ... from half priced food items to a multiplex theatre, basketball courts, and resort like rooms. A building made with projections. if u connect those 3D point u will get narayan murthy's signature!!! engineers!!! pah!!

after a tiring day of walkin around the 350 acres of land(i dont think we touched even quarter of it) we caught the 5PM train. and VOILA!! no seats available and wer we sit??? on the luggage counter on top of the seats in the train. very funny wen you and ure friend are perched up the train. unforgettable!!!

ConFeSsiONs oF a DANGEROUS (never) MiNd

11 August, 2006

We all have our DirtY little Secrets. Hidden facts. Even if youre best of friends! You may deny this fact but they know its not true, cause they ve some too...

I was reading this book 'can you keep a secret' by sophie someone(sorry abt tat! cant rem her last name at all!) Very interesting and you get a sense of satisfaction, an inborn pleasure of knowing something that no one else will ever know! takin it to your grave The 'soul'(bubbling with secrets) in a particularly 'hazardous'( thinks its fatal) situation barfs her inner most thoughts and desires to her co-passenger, who by shheerr tuf luck turns out to be her "superboss." The best part is how the boss(hero!!!)twists these lil secrets of hers to fit into her daily life without another soul figuring out the 'depths' of their conversations.

The most exhilarating part of any book, in my opinion, is when u can actually picture yourself in that situation. Speculations of how I would react in a situation like that. funny circumstances; or grave ones. this particular book was doubly exciting cause I can see a lotta me in her! The things running in her head, in mine...


1. The only form of water I dont like is the RAIN (*gasp*)

2. I dont lik surprises (most of it cause i usually find out!)
SPONTANIETY suprises me; Suprises DON'T

3. I am selfish. wont share unless i think ive had enuf of it myself! (going to get me into the deppths of shit!!! fooling around with english)

4. I cry at/for anything remotely emotional when I am alone.

5. SO many secrets swooshed into my head when i started the first point. Just cant bring myself to confess!!!

* Vanilla inspiration *


08 August, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

ENJOY THE POWER AND BEAUTY OF YOUR YOUTH. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

DONT WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE ;) or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.



Dont be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, its only with yourself.


Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Dont feel guilty if you dont know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont, maybe you'll have children, maybe you wont, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

DANCE!!! Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.


Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.
(baz lurhman- one of the best ever!!!)

Words !

04 August, 2006

I said to my soul, BE STILL, and wait without hope.
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing, and wait without love;
For love, would be love for the wrong thing; there is yet faith.
But the faith, and the hope and the love are all in the waiting.
And so the darkness shall be light, and the stillness, the dancing.
(T.S Elliot)

Choose well. Your choice is Brief, and Yet Endless.

Bunking Class

01 August, 2006

Zoomed into the college waving at the watchman who smiled back, unsure, unsure whether he has seen us(danny and mua) in college. Strolled out of the parking lot, talkin loudly about, as usual, nothin at all.
First pit stop: FOOD COURT
the sweet smell of freshly brewed coffee whiffed thru the air. sigh!!! met ashwin and laughed at tis silly jokes. Laughed so loudly that everyone knew that we were new (or old)to college or askin for trouble. NOT in proper dress code, HUGGING each other as a sing of greeting(???????)
Second Pit stop: MEDIA DEPT
second home more like it. though there ve been certain extra fittings:-) still feels the same
Third Pit stop: PSYCHO DEPT
We always knew why all the students jus love Swarna ma'am and this visit jus reaffirmed it... lovely talkin to her.

Then danny, biny and I jus sat under the shady tree in kiosk, kiosk chetta recognised us ;-) heheheee... those steel chairs, slippin ass, cool breeze! not long ago!!! We were enjoyin every moment of it when suddenly it felt we had BUNKED the two o clock class and were waitin to attend the three to four class. WE never did that when we were in college why shouldit be any different after paasin out???
we tuk off...
flew away...

Yellow Bag

26 July, 2006

He was the first guy who ever caught my eye. the moment i lukd up, college seemed a different place. colors flyin around and yet the sunny side brightened my day. Always
the sun and the cresent became irreplacable part of the hours...!!! an hour flew by without catchin a glimpse of him. graduation furthered it to months and the final cord cut pushed it to years into 'u never know when'
the sheer excitement of bumpin into him on the road near college or near the place of my favorite hangout sends stars flutterin weightless like a butterfly...
the smile on his face lights up mine... wish i could have this forever but that wuldnt make these cosmic occurances special... jus like he will always be...
Sunshine on a Cloudy Day!!!

Walkin down the lane

25 July, 2006

Walking down the lane
Seems very familiar
I am walking with myself again
In awe of my thoughts of then and now

Step after step
On the graves of my mistakes
Slithering past unkempt
Fall and fallen

Memories to be laughed at
Some filled with remorse and regret
Vivid yet faint
With my every move was a trap

A sensation of me
As I turned saw myself staring back
Smirking at my faults of present
For every future there is a past
That cannot be erased.

Jack Sparrow

19 July, 2006

Johnny Depp is one versatile actor... chocolat, the brave and my favorite edward sciccorshands, he has done different roles which not many actors get to accomplish. the best part of him is that he makes all the charectors he plays look so real. JacK sparrow!!! his best. You get so much joy watchin him be the conked, drunk and slightly outta his mind pirate... cant call him the villian though... hats off to him!! ALL THE WAY....... Waitin eagerly to watch him play his magic on the big screen.... !!!

Blast to Normalcy

14 July, 2006

The past two days have been filled with the stories of the brave and the dead people in Bombay. The front page of all the daily newspapers, and television’s prime time coverage has been completely hijacked by this incident of terrorism. The men of steel with heart so strong ruled many comments, articles and posts. “Though terrorism strikes the core of the city, still gets up next morning and resumes all work.” Normalcy has been attained. It is a very commendable act of courage indeed. But I find that there is something very eerie and ghastly about this whole attitude of the ‘MUMbaikars.’

Yes the citizens rushed out to help those victimized; yes the city did not give the terrorists the pleasure of breaking down the system but why aren’t they fighting back?
And what is this talk about getting back to normalcy? Can anyone in this world be peaceful with a bunch of fanatics roaming about the place, with the aim to kill?
Well in my opinion, the mumbai log have become like the citizens of War laden areas around the world where bombs are like the passing train every hour. Only unpredictable but accepted that it is an occurrence. They have attained a placid temperament about this. Just another day in the lives of the mumbaikars. I see in every person’s eyes a dead calm not before a storm but of despair.

Well I don’t believe in the peace talks between countries. What is there to debate about terrorists and terrorism? Some decision and action has to be taken before BOMBay becomes ‘used’ to this lifestyle. There can never be normalcy in terror. It is crouching in a corner waiting in agony for the next one to strike.


24 June, 2006

I will LOVE you More than Yesterday and Lesser than Tomorrow.....!!!
To all the people i evr loved in my life and if evr i will next time...

(copyrite to some age old soap opera whose stuck to its word of a nevr ending saga!!!)
we and our woodstock ways, as someone said...

With or Without You!

15 June, 2006

You silently vow "Till death do us apart" and then calamity strikes and break into a million bits...
then comes reality, very much like death... handsome young man riding a chariot. waiting for the apt moment of vulnerability.
slaps you right across ure face and tells you that ure dreams are coming to an end, abrupt.
you cry, throw relentless tantrums of denial and anger... yet nothing is forever... money, youth, life...

Time passes .. slowly painfully and then dawn of a new day. you dont feel that bad. cool breeze against ure face doesnt anymore feel like thousand pin pricks. the sweet scent of recently bloomed flowers reach ure nostril and u say to ure self i am alive...

life moves on and so do the people in it. the power of human will is the strength it has to look beyond the past... past love, past breakups, past u wanna forget. the people in ure heart never die, they live forever. distance separates yet memories and stand still.. you realise u can live without the person, live without him staring right into ure face daily morning.. cuz he lives. lives as you!

great expectations!

09 June, 2006

Expect the unexpected!
And wen prayin to God for something that u strongly feel about(for aethists u tell urself u gotta do these thing) give specifications... cuz u never know how ure wish is going to be fulfilled...
personal experience...
i give with clauses- never happens... too smart i say!!!

the da vinci effect

07 June, 2006

the ban on the movie da vinci code is a reminder that people are in constant luk out for the perfect person, a role model that they can idolize and worship. in this case literally worship, Jesus Christ.

the whole concept of him not being immortal lies in the presence of his LOVE for mary magdalene. the basis of his arrival on earth other than he dying to wipe away our sins is to spread the message of love. the most sacred way of expressing love and the passion for one another resulting in a child is shakin the foundation of the chruch.

i asked my christain friend what the hulla was all about and the answer i got was that this movie and buk will result in the faith of the newcomers into the religion will be shaken. i was astounded. so the book was going to shake their faith??? what about the hue and cry created by the Vatican do to them? the dramatic visions of them pacing around the hall way or playin the trump card of Dan Brown the traitor!!! wat does that suggest to the people around the world? CRISIS. thats wat it spells...

now it wouldnt be fair if i blame only the Vatican. the people. it has become so easy to shake a person's faith and beliefs he has held so dearly all his life jus by the publish of a couple books.... that too fiction. i ve absolutely no doubt that IF satan has to arrive he doesnt ve much work to do on us... MERE MORTALS...

its over

05 June, 2006

life at this point of time
... its like playing a game of twister ...
your right hand is holdin on to nothing of the ground on which our christ college is built.
the left hand is clingin to the smooth surface of a basket ball which has become that way due to wear and tear of body, mind and soul... people and the inanimate object, more or like a puppet...
the legs are weak, pressure on each increasing with passing time and of not knowing wher the next step is going to be...
though with the swirling choices around u the head holds strong, high which keeps it going...
... you aint seen nothing yet...


17 May, 2006

sigh!!! for everything there is a first time... and this is the worst of them, all! Born in the holidays cushioned month of may i never had school or college let alone exams... talk about doin most of ur firsts in college life this sure is one il never forget... 24th my finals kick off!!! our asses are finally on fire and heart burnin... so are the buks(if u recognise the ref from opt eng uve studied!!!) like a dentist appointment LETS GET IT OVER WITH....!!!!

How many...?

04 May, 2006

HOW many people have to walk out on your life for you to realise that everyone will walk out and one fine day so will YOU!?!
Till DEATH do us apart...
still doesnt stop u from gettn hurt does it??? life!!! pah!


Threads of Snakes,
Connecting the hoofs of time,
For destiny meets the real world.
An Empty Infinite exiztance,
individuals scarred,
Circulating with palms wide spread.
Hanging noose,
Into the dawn of Eve...


26 April, 2006

ITS harder to live with yourself knowing all the mistakes uve done wen u re in a failed relationship... but its the worst case situation to be the person who is not able to forgive a person who is begging for mercy!!! its not being cold and the person wants to... but the hurt was so overwhelming that the guilt of not being able to forgive and the living proof of that mistake stares u in ur face is far more insomnia creating than being the person who is askin for forgiveness.....
I FAKE IT.... I FAKE IT ..... LALALAAAA.... I F.A.K.E.D IT........

5o tHiNgS BeFoRe I am FIVE O

17 April, 2006

  1. go to egypt
  2. find a piece of gold and steal it from rt under the customs nose!!(tht line sounds funny!;-)
  3. try to crack some seriously gud jokes(oxy"moron")
  4. go bungee jumping, scuba divin
  5. river raftin in rishikesh(this time a longer course and jump off a higher cliff!)
  6. slap someone rt across the face wen i really mean to
  7. sky dive
  8. meet all the people who ive known in my lifetime, my friends
  9. goto sydney
  10. dance in front of people wen i dire need for money in an unknown land
  11. meet mario again
  12. get a sexy tan
  13. get a tatoo done ( lily with a snake wound around it)
  14. give cool and gud advice wich works and actually gives positive results
  15. interview and cajole bryan adams to perform once more in India(esp for me;-)
  16. tell people on their face wat i really feel and not hide it
  17. learn how to skate
  18. build a snowman durin christmas
  19. take a photograph that makes headlines
  20. lie on the watertank in the terrace and count the stars and find figures in the moon
  21. create somethin of my own.
  22. rob a bank
  23. drive a Lamborgini(once once jus once... cant live without it after tht..... tass y it comes after robbin a bank!!!)
  24. sit in the train station and make friends with complete strangers(im shy)
  25. get drunk, sloshed smashed(like the sound effect it gives and someting attainable!!!)
each of these ideas i hope to get it fulfilled befor fifty!!! every year one deal!!! so u wonderin wat il be duin for 25years??? basically gettn married to a really rich soulmate of mine, making out, fulfillin nike's slogan and havin fun!!! like to sounds of that?? i sure do!!! stay and ul see the world go round and roound!!!

How RoMAnTiC??!!

16 April, 2006

have u ever been in a situation uve considered to be romantic but its all wrong cuz u wuld ve preferred it to ve been with that someone special??? well i ve been on that island way too many times and i rrecollect lots of my friends reliving those moments and wondering WHY?? Why him and not the one??? but i am completely grateful for the instances which enrich your life. To expand ur world,to make it a better place,to bring happiness and joy in the small little acts which culd ve easily been overlooked in the bigger picture!!!!
messagin whole night about absolutely nothing though i kept whinning about wastin my precious TWO bucks!
buying table tops for mom
deciding wat kinda curtains we need
knowing that we shuld be haeding towards the ice cream parlour without actually tellin it out loud
someone cooking for me in the idea to impress but cooking somethi i can stand to eat... i loved every morsel of it!!! i love him and can never,will never forgeet u!!!
talkin in the candle light about love life,and its pouring rain outside,in to the night...
holding me by the waist wen im struggling to push my bike... supportin me thru the darkness into the light... (dude seriously!!!)
going on a long drive in gettn seriously lost
looking up a construction site waiting to become a home... left me wishin it was our home... (that one hit me hard)
these are told to me and felt by me... jus wanted to write it down... eternalise it!!! the best thing is IT already is... ForeveR...

Dil tho pagal hai!!!

08 April, 2006

Does running away from people, place and surroundings help mend a broken heart???

Poles aPART

07 April, 2006

"ARE we ready gals??", i stand one foot inside the room and the other outside the door bellowing. as usual being a sucker for punctuality i have had my bath,brushed and all set to move into the scorching yet inviting sun,smellin the fresh air(differnt! frm the smoke choke of blore) and i see that killi is applyin the liner on the curves of her lips wishin i could tell her that she looks sexy,hot or watever she wants to see herself as wen this picture of her with kannadi pops into my head. i stop short and move my focus to mother India, whom we all love,cherish the whole deal... but oh!!! she clears the mess in our roon up at the wrng time and gets blamed for displacing things that we wuld have easily found in the muck!!! still her enthu(over-enthu) does not die... as i look upon danny impatiently i am suddenly distracted by something moving!!! movers and shakeeras as i call it. the infamous bum dance. for our eyes only!!! by the one and only(if there were more i wuld wanna kill myself or the clones wuld bite each other to death!!!;-) susiekins!!! she stands there with her electronic tooth brush which does all the BRRRUUUSSSHHHHing........ for her!!!(talk about being lazy,she topped the class)
THEN the day proceeds with a lotta yelling, shoutin, pouting with each other!!!
being picky,choosy and agreeing only on boozy!!!(culdnt help the rhyme)
smiling for pictures, crying to leave the place we got to love
feeling like home in an alien world jus cuz we are together
hopin to survive, to be alive to see another day
cuz the night is gonna throw us off the bed
we come back to our room disgusted with one another. susha wanted fish, i craved for chicken,
killi dint wanna eat and danny asked for only one hot cup of coffee to cure her headache!!!
WE always paint a happy picture, TO HAVE THE SUNNY SIDE UP!! but these two trips i did with these gals made me realise how different we all are and how we want all different things from this world---a summer fling, parasailing, dancing thru the night,sleeping on the beach,rollercoaster ride, swimming, gettin a bad tan!!! the fights, the arguements, the consolation and the final hug!!! i sometimes wonder how killi and danny can be roomies and still be gud frnds.... yet thru the thick and thin we find our small lilttle space wher all of us can be happy with wat we are doing and who we are... and thats what we say A PART of the same planet but POLES apart!!!

one day in the media dept . . .

03 April, 2006

the day started as usual, me gettin up late, mom yellin tht i waste time and not study and the whole deal... nothin new i said to myself. least did i know that mid day is going to be pretty darn somethin i never wanted to happen!!!
i went to meet pinto sir!!! YES ... i did say pinto sir, for my SOP though for valuable advice and that i did receive. but i sat in the media dept with kennedy and abhaya for an hour!!! socialised with them... as i pour out these words i cant seem to forgive myself!!! from askin y ma'am doesnt wear salwar to college to yapn to kennedy about his new house and his labrador,whose name is ceaser btw(julius wher art thou...???)sittin in their class i wanna cease to exist. u know the plight... but in all it was kinda fun!!! i know how much danny has to put up being in the dept, not much!!! try this out it works!!! heheheh
till next time(wich maybe tomorro considerin im jobless)

Amma, DMK and all that JaZZ

02 April, 2006

roof top coffee day- one dagerous place for thr four of us!!! v not only end up spendin money on fud(which btw s never the problem)its the minutes of the session that scares the wallet outta me!!!
we planned the chennai... dint work out the first time and the second but as they say third time lucky(i wanna know who this "they people" are???!!!) so we left in the nite train on friday that s the 24th march and reached there next day!!! from that moment no rest.
suri came, suri went.
archana came, we left.
spencers plza, patheon road, money left!
then evenin of reunion: oh gud lord!!! everone i had wanted to come,came...
SK(u got better at flirtin dude!!!)
madan(still the sweet guy),
pratap(u trippe dand fell into the water by ur self. thanks for not makin me work tht day;-)
shiva(paanjali!!!lets play the game),
sridhar(u never sang),
nive(gemini twin)
daffy(miss the talk in the bus and endin up with the icecream)
swami(man we got loads to talk and catch up to!!!)
that day irealise how much i meant to u guys!!! nothing else mattered then. friends who came who left, betrayed and hearts they theft!!! i know u guys for not even a year and still so much closer thnan anyone who culd ever imagine being close to me
im blabberin but too much emotion overflow....
love u guys

Modelling: PHEW!!!

12 March, 2006

I was sittin at ma shack doin nothin at all... i tuk out the daily paper(shockin i know...!!!) and hit the page3 section of blore times. i laid ma eyes on somethin interesting... A PHOTOGRAPHY crash course!!! how kewl was tht??? so off i went without thinkin twice(i do tht to myself and get more confused than i already am!!!)
the first day was the worst of the five days. it was al theory and the coffee breaks every two hours seem like to go to the moon and bak!!! then yesterday (i.e) saturday 11th of march was the 1st prac class... AWESOME...... the feel of the camera in my hand... gosh so guuuudddd!!!!!!!
imprison anythin and anyone for that instant forever....
and that turned out to be ME!!! each one in the class gottaa become the model for another person. i hed made frnds with this one guy cald Dharam, he pickeed me first and as i had the longest hair in the class i made a better demo person... it was fuckin hot with all the lights hittin u directly into ur face and eyes... i as usual cracked silly jokes as i was more nervous to be on display than anyone else... luckily this time i was more calm and DID NOT, mind u, crack stupid jokes lik i always do... so there was a great day and all the photographers deined any involvement in the payment of the modellin fee... NO CONTRACT it seems... hehehehe... njoy!


06 March, 2006

crazy is not the word! its drivin me into insanity! gosh since the dayy ma momma to'd me that she is fine if i go abroad ive benn on ma toes searchin for univeersities and applying... typin a resume has neverr been so demanding!!! went online they are charging bloody 1200 bucks fro their "experts to write one for me" after doin jouralism this is crime in broad daylight...
another thing is the propper use of english!!! i ve jus become so used to shrotenin words and the misuse of grammer being rated as "kewl" has basically screwd my life over... seems like i gotta start from scratch!!! the itch is terrible!!! sowy about th sad joke... thths wer the insanity part comes into play!!!
is not easy and its never gonna get th way either is it???? wow!! wonder wen il get into tht position of telln my junies how to go abt things.... someday!!! i realised ive written allota 'somedays in my entries....' il change tht and my laziness.... SOMEDAY!!!

LONG LONG Ago....!

02 March, 2006

it seems like ages since i blogged! and it is!!! its not even funny ive been SO busy lately... with planning my higher studies, to get educated or not to... its tricky place to be in!!! heheh! and college day arrived and left, then grad day came and went, farewell aake chala gaya!!!! i know jobless synonyms!!!!
now basically ive got so much to say. so little time and no more words!!!!!!!
till next time ciao... (
tryin to coax my mom into installin broad bnd hope it works....)

ur wish my command !

18 February, 2006

iam bak! updated and in business... some one crapped about it so...!!! nothing else ... old king cole is STILL a merry asshole!!!!


07 February, 2006

The ONLY thing that looks gud on me is YOU!!! gosh wat a weekend machan! it was outta the world... it was like a dreaam..... i was standin right in front of the stage! and HE was a few feet from me... my heart was thumping like neve b4! his voice, keith's guitar and mickey's drums... BOY OH BOY! massive attack!
as i recollect everything seems to happen in slow motion. he walks down from the stage, comes closer and closer... my head is going blank annd only thought runnin beserk is get a piece of him and in ur heart for a life time and i did... he held my hand for split second and
so i did get lucky the third time and man was it a moment to cherish!!!


02 February, 2006

Groping in the darkness
voice drowned out in its silence,
an inward cry for mirth
plea for some change,
a quarter, blunted
recoiled in the middle of no where
glossy dwelling of emptiness,
bring me back to life
bring me back to love...

why to blog anymore?

29 January, 2006

i dont understand!! i seriously dont.... ok i get it tht u dont kapish wat im blabbing bout either!!!
here goes nothing... why has this whole system of blogging become an unusuall path way to unleash at some one whom u cannot say things on their face and more confusing is wen the other peerson readin ur post indentifies with some of ur writings and pressume its about them and this whole thing becomes an online fighting arena!! if i am writing about somebody i dont like i WILL mention their names, ON THEIR FACE and if its true to me and my heart i don see anything wrong with that....
now lemme be true to wat i ve written and tell u Shashank, if u ever read this the post.... love and hate is NOT bout u! and guys suck was NOT written with u ONLY in mind....( i do know guys other than u pls gimme tht much credit and don think so highly of urself either) and raja hamsa was , is about u! i am not defending nything i wrote or write in the future cuz i believ evrythin is true unless its fiction thru out with made up characters.
this is not my way of leashi out my anger or frustration at anybody! im not a coward and will stand up for myself in front of those with whom ive a problem with and be frank with them whether they like it or not.. and im not using my blog as a space for jam!

Truly Madly and Deeply!!!

22 January, 2006

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wishI'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on A new beginning
A reason for living A deeper meaning,
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever Until the sky falls down on me
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of The highest powers
In lonely hours The tears devour you
i have never felt so much in love with the world and visualised that life could be as beautiful as it was that day! not in a million years wuld i ve expected that the stars in my chart wuld align just so perfectly!!! "sometimes something happens, something really small and it just fits into this empty space in ur heart!!" unni playin the guitar and me singin this song... picture puurrfect! seems like it happened right outta my wild fantasies(talk abot wild huh??!!)
i wanna say so much, describe the surroundings, wer we were sittin who was around.... but it remains sealed in my heart for i wuld not be able to justice to it!
love college and memories to last a life time...

love and hatred


Raja hamsa!

10 January, 2006

yup the trip to pondy is finally takin its shape with the first leg of bookin bus tickets complete! we had a lotta debates whether to drop off due to unbearable circumstances of public display of(hornyness) affection(wich is not controlled inside the college campus how te fuck can it be controlled outside,place far farr away??? DISGUSTING!) but for the challenge to see how much is my threshold can be stretched im undertakin this journey!(jus do it or die machan!) gosh the unbelievable goals i set for myself,is not even funny! ah well! thts me for u! wanting something i cant have is MUCH MORE APPEALING to me than wats given in a golden platter!
Stupidity???? me-best illustration! blow job it man!

Guys SUCK!!!!

09 January, 2006

oh i am so pissed of with the whole of 'MAN'kind!!! Guys are SUCKERS! god they must be banished from the world!!
my friends also dah! the worst part of it! i tot only guys whom u hear of from some one who told someone... but in my case even my friends! as a friend u cant even judge them cuz ur not expected to,and i usually dont. bbut ive jus been pushed off the edge this time....
this 1 guy actually told me to call my other friends(cute gals) so tht he can flirt with them, hey wen are r u gonna give ur friend's intro to me? shall i leav her home seems to be alone!!! i dont want u to talk to anyother guy... can v jus get physical and not ve a committment? what kinda shit is tht man? aaaarrgh!! and i cant believe tht society expects us,women to actually live with one o those creatures til death do us apart!!! aiyo!wishing death wuld play its part faster than i can say fuck you!

Vital Signs

07 January, 2006

perched on the roof
sat on the wall
slided down a ladder threatning to fall
of the two who mean the world to me
gosh i cant rhhyme at all.......
The two peices of modern art i must say are my best friends surya and archana! they are my life support! so why is this so hard for me to find a start, a path and the final destination???? some delinquent author must ve hit this same block and coined the phrase "ther are no words to describe how much u mean to me!!!" sucker cant write one proper sentence bout ur loved one aa gaye article likne!!! those words seemed so used N overused!!! but now they dont seem like such pathetic words to me after all... nah!!! i gotta ve a better xcuse tha tht rite???? hmmm.... playing tug o war with that bloody thought fox of mine....
Dire Straits:
i dailed 911 and asked my friends for help! yup the same ones im writing about!!! woah woah...! dont u dare critisize me im playing my trump card which wuld be"what are friends for if u cant ask(shamelesly) for help??" ok im predicting my own future and i can see tht the crystal ball is sayin tht those who were considerin talkkin to me are going to 'accidently' lose my num in a kumbmela or conveniently ve their internet connection disabled due to some inter galactic electrmagnetic disturbance!!! FYNE!!!!! have it ur way!
oh and FYI the distress call dint work the way i whoped it wuld. our memories were ditto except certain things ve beeen prioritised differntly. obviously i cant be my own best friend na?[tht too with 2 awesome chicks like them. i hope u got the hidden meaning otherwise, NO Hope] i can be my own best friend except tht the post has been churoafied by them!! I was for some days surya' walking stick and radio FM (teasing her with mella nada mella nada meni yenagum!)wen her eyes were dilated. due to the inspiration acheived by this i joined the school choir team cuz i could always sit behind archana and prtend to be singin; anything to bunk those torturous classes man! ANYTHING!!! damn Mission 'WRITE ABOUT FRIENDS' Compromised!! writer tuk off on a self raving spree otherwise known as takin the easy way out! aaaarrgh!
In short befor everyone reaches their graves:
i LOVE Them!!!! form surya's embarrasing "Thambbri" (callin any guy bro) to archana's "ANY place is fine by me"(wen asked to decide on a place to ooru suthify) they are the only two people i wuld run bak to after having finished a tiring day's work to start off on an equally amazing nite party!!!(pervy!)

Bak to square one

02 January, 2006

Ah! well all things as they say do come to an end(wat i dont understand is y so soon???hmph!) first day of college and tried to execute a mass bunk nut as usual... big flop!!! we can organise the best of parties, and events but one day complete mass bunk??? noooooooo.......... i cant believe im prayiin tht i get to mass bunk on class b4 completing college life here in blore! sleep with a cute guy, go bunjee jumping, once more to goa.....YES!!!! hmmm.... unpredictable eh?
hey this is a new year! 2006 my poor granns heard the numerology predictions on the tv wich sid 2+6=8 not a gud yr?????!!!!!!!!! wwwwaaattt the hell do they think of themselves man??? inspire dont depress!!
oh god i jus have to note this down...... My dad was HILARIOUS this time wen i had gone to chennai... usually he's reserved and tries to act lik how every dad shuld act towards his daughter,,, like a dad!!! his stupid jokes..... wat is the national bird of India------ Tandoori Chicken..... 'ne bus le erinalum bus un mela erinalum tickect vange pordu neee......acccho!!! i wanted to die.... he was very happy with himself 4this and so was i!!!!
then wat else can i cramme into one post???? ah!nothing comes to ma mind as of now cuz its bloody frozen due to this weeather..... jus need some days to adjust,settle bak into home!!!! till next time ciao
Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees