Temptation and Hypocrisy

25 July, 2007

My friends and I went for dinner to a friend's place and they had a small gathering at their place. The 'Hare Rama, Hare Krishna' group in London.

I walked in with four boys and I specify boys as that is of consequence. I sat within the gathering. I am a little vary of crowds. Never liked them much. Even when I used to cycle and drive I hated when I saw in front of me a huge bunch of people walking cause you never know when one might stray right in to your path heading for a definite collision. So coming back to the scene, I sat down near my comfort zone. Shashank in front and Lakshman on my side. Then this woman just behind me asked me to move to the corner where there was place. I sat and beckoned L to come nearer. His hesistance led to my eventual insight into the seating arrangement in that room. The men were sitting in the front and the women at the back.

I was completely stumped. I mean I am sitting in LONDON, a cosmopolitan city. Not India. Not in Chennai (I specify Chennai cause I have been to many of these ceremonies and the demarcation I remember from there...) Not in one of those conservative houses. In London!!! and I did not even expect this division here. I was slapped with the distinction. It was not that the men were in the front or the women were made to sit at the back but the fact that they were not allowed to sit together.

I heard the reason for seperation when I was in school and it was because "this is the age that you can easily get distracted". ACCEPTED. What about this age? When the man and woman are actually married? In these gatherings you come to pray to God. So who is bothered whether there is a guy or a girl sitting next to you. They can turn the tables on me and ask then why should I have a problem with sitting next to women away from the men. But then what about it when I am praying to God in my office, lets say with men colleagues around me? Am I getting distracted? Then I am cheating myself. But admist "distractions" if I can think and pray and praise the Lord THEN I have conquered temptation.

When temptation is in a chocolate, keeping it away from sight can ease your process of resisting temptation. But your character is only known when the chocolate is right in front of your eyes and yet you are not tempted. I know it cannot be acheived easily but its worth a shot isnt it?

Mystery of Marriage solved due to ulcers

19 July, 2007

My friend and I have solved the mystery of why people marry. To eat!!! No one likes to eat alone(well there are exceptions and they are the ones who don't marry!!)

A: I am bored to eat alone and don't seem to have time to cook. Lets skip lunch...

lil later: AARRGGHHHH ulcers... I need someone to cook for me.

B: I have no mood to cook and eat alone.

Lil later: I wish there was someone along with me to share and eat.

A and B meet and marry!

What are u doing this evening??
Lets go out for dinner tonight!!!

Life's existential questions and a sip of cold chocolate

17 July, 2007

What are the life's question that cannot be answered by sitting with friends in the middle of the night sipping cold chocolate with mini rolls and fresh fruits??? FaNZ, Tij and Me.

I asked for a smile in reply I got giggles and lots of hugs. Love. Plain Non-Judgemental love. No stupid jokes, none of the topics we had any serious contradictions. Simple reaffirmation of faith and the belief that we are not alone in this world. Not alone, Not alone in being confused. No one has all the answers, some dont even ask these questions, in the end the result is not what is sweet its the journey that makes it all worth while!

At one point we were so sleepy that we forgot what the arguement was; very similar to the emotions I feel for my dissertation. :-) From helping out Tij with his "future of e-tail" To Keep it SIMPLE, to Not killing what is not harming you but still getting it out of the way! (moth tales) and FINALLY watching the sunrise. The beauty of God's endless imagination. Of colours and forms. Of texture and touch. The walk in Northwick park with the cold, wet dew drops tingling in your toes. The casual sound of the cargo train slowly chugging along side our walk and piercing through all that our innocent laughter, with no care in the world just felt like Destiny and God wanted that to be perfect! It was perfect in every imperfection.

I am writing this is bits and pieces. Strings of words cause I cannot explain the exhilaration I feel inside.
The clear conversation through the silence brought in calmness.
Mood: Serene


16 July, 2007

I am having this feeling of deja vu writing this post. Well its just not a feeling but a reality. I am being faced with a similar situation again. I mean this has never happened to me and I am not sure what Life is trying to teach me. I know what it is but I dont understand why I am learning it from people I consider as friends! I mean don't these mean things in life are inflicted by mean people whom you can hate and curse cause they are not your friends. You learn those lessons and move on. But when its friends that inflict that pain then how can you remain a friend to them. Well, that seems like a choice you make. To become bitter from the experience and change or still be the nice person you are forever, but get hurt from time to time. I think I choose the second. Cause the first I leave it to the others and that is much more a harder task for me than the second.

How can your own friends be inconsiderate to you? Even my knees shake cause I have not had food for the whole of 7hours were I need to rush around serving some drunken fools and the whole deal. I need to come back and eat with my friend who waits for me til 3 without eating! My Boss asks me why is he waiting if he is not your boyfriend? And I answer cause he is my FRIEND. well, thats what friends do dont they? Or Do I just have a bunch of them that just dont? I dont like that I am thinking this way...

I have been going to the church for the past two months and I have sat through more than Five sermons. And the only thing that I remember is this:

The pastor and his wife had decided that they wont give each other presents on Christmas as they would use that money to go on the skiing trip that they have been saving up for. They were on the trip in the Alps enjoying the Christmas eve when the pastor's wife comes up to him and gives him a gift. The flabbergasted pastor, who had not bought his wife anything not even a card, then realised that there are sometimes you need to show in Action that you love a person and care for them rather than use words that in the end lose their meaning, and most importantly worth, for you actions are not coinciding with your words.

I dunno the scriptures. I dont know whats written in the Bible. But what I know is God is Just. I keep questioning myself at every thought I have... Am I right to think this way about my friends? Am I at any point not being considerate to anyone I know? Maybe I just dont realise it like they dont.
I am not sure whether this is God's word. But his actions I interpret... Jesus came to earth and loved all.. the sick, the rotten. If we need to do everything in God's name...Do we?

Assistant Bartender

15 July, 2007

Seems like ages ago that I wrote anything on my blog. The only thing that is "happening " in my life is my job at the Bar! I love the job. Getting down and dirty!!!

Its not as glamorous as every one thinks it is. There is a continuous nauseating sweet odor of beer. People pound on you when there are many people waiting to be served. It is afterall their time to chillax and unwind. You will be constantly subjected to corny one liners and you cant even blame it on the drinks!!! YET! Some of them are "Can I have a Carling, Darling" and Can I have the beer in that fancy glass you ve got behind the bar?" or "I am Indian, serve me first!!!" the worst one that I have heard is "Will you marry me I have got a huge house and a garden that needs a woman's touch!!!" Sheesh and these lines are come from old guys and I tot the Pick up lines those days would have been more refined and romantic!!!

Now the worst part of this job that I never in my life thought about is the 'Stocking up the fridge' during closing time. The carrying the bottles from the stock room is killing. Well, I have not done any heavy weight lifting in my life before. Not that I did any work ever!!!

The other menial jobs include sweeping, mopping behind the bar, clearing plates n the glasses from the tables, cleaning the tables, the plates and the glasses need to go in to the dish washer. they are then separated in to the same glass sets. Fosters and carling go together. Guiness n Magners are on one draw.

Pretty mindless work and yet I am so clear headed when I stand behind the bar. There needs so much concentration that no one is aware of! The number of orders with or without ice, whether they wanted rd bull or diet pepsi, and dont even get me started on the sad sad pronunciation these, sorry to say, Indians have for the various English Brands. Family Grousse I heard and I am not kiddin as Fimly Primus! and I was like What the fuck??? or Fustus for fosters!

The fun part of this job is when You start recognising people who come regularly and you remember their orders. they are more than happy and you feel great!
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

(Cheers theme song)

Not yet got to learning to mix cocktails cuz these guys who come to drink are regulars and regulars dont take cocktails if they havent brought their girlfriends on a date! Still red or white wine!

It really helps that you have a great boss. I am really privileged to get a really nice guy whose name is Shri and he is a Srilankan Tamilian! He loves talking in tamil and is very proud of it. He wants me to sing a tamil song!!! And that too a fast one! ha ha.. We sometimes converse in tamil and yell at the customers. No one understands. I think that connection can come only in a country which is not India or in the North!!! wink wink ;-)After all long day's work when you sit on the table you once served, chilling with a glass of wine, that yummy small biscotti and yapping about the day or the funny thing that happened in the bar that day completes that content feeling. Sigh!!! I love my job but I cant do this forever! Probably work in JD Wetherspoon. Who knows ;-)

Bar bar dekho!

03 July, 2007

My first day on the job:

Wear black and black. Gives me a shirt two sizes bigger. I am floating in it. Could not smile. I have never concentrated so much in my life. Pete kept on explaining things to me. I nodded and gulped all the information I could. I could not remember what he said about the toilets but he did tell me to come and check once an hour whether there is sufficient toilet paper and that no one is dead. I really dont remember what he said about the toilets! Got yelled at for not pouring the drinks properly. Give it a head, mix it while you are serving! uff...

I am an annoying customer for someone as well.

My second day in the Bar:

I know where all the drinks are. Still cant recognize the nick names given to them. Only one I know is JD- Jack Daniels. tennessey, sourz apple, family grousse. I mean give it better names man! Koppaberg.
Elvis hitting on me. Boy he is!!! What will you do if the Tamil tigers wanted to have sex with you.. I mean like dude... Get a life!!! uurrgghh!!!

Killi I am doing this for you babe!!! :) Its not that glamorous as it looks on tv cause I still do not know the cocktails and cant swirl the bottles around. But I will get there and Will teach ya!! :)

02 July, 2007

A queasy feeling in my tummy. I have felt this before but I am just not being able to place it in the situation where it has occured the previous time.

He has an uncanny timing to find out when I am feeling low or feeling like giving up, giving up on what I am not sure yet!

Re-visited the crushes I had when I was young. Think I still am. He wont open his mouth nor will I. Tried coaxing myself. and I completely understood what Fanz was telling us yesterday. You want to tell at that opportune moment. You wait and wait with baited breathe and a flower in your hand but either the moment doesnt come or its just not meant to happen! Naaa I cant hide behind that veil. I am chicken. =)

I fall in love with a person's smile.

I love church, Hillsong.


Tsu's failure. Placed the feeling to where is belongs.
Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees