Acceptance and the Cut

08 June, 2009

What if the same friends who pledged to listen to you turn deaf to your words?

The most important friends, or the friends whom I consider my best friends have no clue about the trip I just had. What happened, where I went, how the weather there was, did I have a good time? Nothing.

It infuriates me that they don't care enough to want to know. But then may be these things bore them. They don't want to know what I did. What would they get out of it? And that too when they don't consider it interesting or what I did there.

I also think that I have shut down. A lot!!! I like myself this way... Upsetting to know that I love "aloneness"!!! :) my word.... I don't care to elaborate to people who don't want to listen. I spoke about myself to a total stranger on the trip because she wanted to listen. To me, to what I did, what I like, how I prepare for a vacation... Study about the civilization, to know before going and visiting the place.

Now, I am stuck. Between loving my loneliness and getting irritated with the callousness. I am unable to tell them that I need to put an end to this. Which does mean amicably part as friends who were... And there I am put in a pickle -- my inner voice of fear -- I am scared of pity. I cannot explain that feeling. Pity.

I know why some men and women move away from their friends when they find love. You want to spend every waking moment with the one you love. I found love, my passion. It is isolating, cause its within me. Words! Mine, to myself, to the world, to love, to life and to the soul.

And then I think maybe I don't want to accept that I am not that important in my friends' lives. Its not because they shut me out but it is just because life takes you in different paths. You can never know everything about each other any more. I know where I belong but the strings are of various lengths... I should'nt be complaining either. I am more detached than I thought and my promises of being for the other .. I have not been able to keep up!

I think I need a change. Serious change. There is a certain negative aura... Reasons are just that.. reasons! Not solutions...

1 Scribbles:

Prude said...

Pavi is calling...Anu pick up the phone! :-)

Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees