What if the same friends who pledged to listen to you turn deaf to your words?
The most important friends, or the friends whom I consider my best friends have no clue about the trip I just had. What happened, where I went, how the weather there was, did I have a good time? Nothing.
It infuriates me that they don't care enough to want to know. But then may be these things bore them. They don't want to know what I did. What would they get out of it? And that too when they don't consider it interesting or what I did there.
I also think that I have shut down. A lot!!! I like myself this way... Upsetting to know that I love "aloneness"!!! :) my word.... I don't care to elaborate to people who don't want to listen. I spoke about myself to a total stranger on the trip because she wanted to listen. To me, to what I did, what I like, how I prepare for a vacation... Study about the civilization, to know before going and visiting the place.
Now, I am stuck. Between loving my loneliness and getting irritated with the callousness. I am unable to tell them that I need to put an end to this. Which does mean amicably part as friends who were... And there I am put in a pickle -- my inner voice of fear -- I am scared of pity. I cannot explain that feeling. Pity.
I know why some men and women move away from their friends when they find love. You want to spend every waking moment with the one you love. I found love, my passion. It is isolating, cause its within me. Words! Mine, to myself, to the world, to love, to life and to the soul.
And then I think maybe I don't want to accept that I am not that important in my friends' lives. Its not because they shut me out but it is just because life takes you in different paths. You can never know everything about each other any more. I know where I belong but the strings are of various lengths... I should'nt be complaining either. I am more detached than I thought and my promises of being for the other .. I have not been able to keep up!
I think I need a change. Serious change. There is a certain negative aura... Reasons are just that.. reasons! Not solutions...
Showing posts with label hopeless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hopeless. Show all posts
The Phelps Drama
03 February, 2009
Michael Phelps was caught on a candid photo which showed him inhaling from a marijuana pipe. People all over the world lapped up this information about their swimming champ. The number of critics that raised their voice is astounding. The sports clubs, fan presidents, etc etc were out to disown him due to the act committed by the once highly decorated sports person. And this felicitation was not too far long back.
I know and understand that smoking any kind of drugs is not good due to its addictive nature, ya da ya da ya da!! We all know the drill but what comes out of this incident is that I think it’s about time that people stopped idolizing certain celebrities and realise that they are also human. They want and they have the right to make a mistake. They need not have to apologise to the whole freaking world to save their sponsorship. It’s a different deal if it was a repetitive behaviour which gets people concerned about his health and the sponsors about their money. We tend to exert pressure on these “sports idols” to be the perfect role model for us.
Make him apologise for regrettable behaviour and bad judgement. Force him into acting because you dream of him in a particular way. It is a price to pay for fame. But still!
No one recognises the amount of unwavering devotion he must have given to his swimming practices. I understand he is an inspiration for many young aspiring athletes but why should we be afraid of all these youngsters only taking the photo into consideration? Would you wish to live your life under constant scrutiny, criticisms? How many of you want to do pot, get caught on camera for the kicks and not see that picture on the front page of sports news?
Not me!
I know and understand that smoking any kind of drugs is not good due to its addictive nature, ya da ya da ya da!! We all know the drill but what comes out of this incident is that I think it’s about time that people stopped idolizing certain celebrities and realise that they are also human. They want and they have the right to make a mistake. They need not have to apologise to the whole freaking world to save their sponsorship. It’s a different deal if it was a repetitive behaviour which gets people concerned about his health and the sponsors about their money. We tend to exert pressure on these “sports idols” to be the perfect role model for us.
Make him apologise for regrettable behaviour and bad judgement. Force him into acting because you dream of him in a particular way. It is a price to pay for fame. But still!
No one recognises the amount of unwavering devotion he must have given to his swimming practices. I understand he is an inspiration for many young aspiring athletes but why should we be afraid of all these youngsters only taking the photo into consideration? Would you wish to live your life under constant scrutiny, criticisms? How many of you want to do pot, get caught on camera for the kicks and not see that picture on the front page of sports news?
Not me!
Master
06 January, 2009
Mine is a silent obsession. It doesn’t consume, doesn’t demand and I do not fear it. It does not take over my life’s decisions. But then it does. In subtle ways, when I do not expect it.
I have, over the years, heard many songs, instrumental music. I have figured certain things out and these findings have been quite consistent.
-- The sound of piano can evoke a feeling of romance or put me to sleep
-- The sound of drums never found a place in my heart. No emotions - of anger, sadness, excitement
-- The flute, I always associate with superficiality, snobbery and detachment.
-- Saxaphone, with a jazz twist, a complete picture to jive with. Happiness.
As always, not adhering to the inverted pyramid style of writing that is drilled into all journalists, I have kept the best for the last.
-- The strings of a guitar.
Today, I learned that the sound of a guitar can make me an infidel. Or, let me put it in other words, I heard a certain sound from a guitar, which is exactly how I would describe infidelity. I believe (at least for now) the emotions you pass through being infidel is the height of emotions (before and after the act. I wouldn’t consider acts as thoughts come into play and then decisions. Whole new post!!!)
I love the sound of the guitar. I have tried mastering it. I use the word master because I never managed to do that. The obsession doesn’t dictate people to help me out. It sticks and seduces and it is everything that I want.
I have, over the years, heard many songs, instrumental music. I have figured certain things out and these findings have been quite consistent.
-- The sound of piano can evoke a feeling of romance or put me to sleep
-- The sound of drums never found a place in my heart. No emotions - of anger, sadness, excitement
-- The flute, I always associate with superficiality, snobbery and detachment.
-- Saxaphone, with a jazz twist, a complete picture to jive with. Happiness.
As always, not adhering to the inverted pyramid style of writing that is drilled into all journalists, I have kept the best for the last.
-- The strings of a guitar.
Today, I learned that the sound of a guitar can make me an infidel. Or, let me put it in other words, I heard a certain sound from a guitar, which is exactly how I would describe infidelity. I believe (at least for now) the emotions you pass through being infidel is the height of emotions (before and after the act. I wouldn’t consider acts as thoughts come into play and then decisions. Whole new post!!!)
I love the sound of the guitar. I have tried mastering it. I use the word master because I never managed to do that. The obsession doesn’t dictate people to help me out. It sticks and seduces and it is everything that I want.
13 May, 2007
Have you ever felt extremely hopeless about a situation in your life that you cannot move ahead and you definitely do not feel like getting stagnated in that spot???
Well, I am there at the moment. Not a great place at all.
This whole leaving things to time is getting to me. I know that it is the right thing to do but then I am so impatient.
Its like when it rains. I want it to just stop and I want to be able to get out of my house, room when I want to, without bothering that I will get drenched.
In search of freedom,
cannibal webs surround
silky strands of noose,
groping around the voice of music
Far from the depths of earth
grounded at the surface
surpassing all qualms of shame and guilt
Heavens laugh,
hell smirks its beckoning seduction
earthly raindrops felt on the face of innocence
no more alive, no more death
all for act of loosened bond chains
key to the portal disappeared, faint.
Well, I am there at the moment. Not a great place at all.
This whole leaving things to time is getting to me. I know that it is the right thing to do but then I am so impatient.
Its like when it rains. I want it to just stop and I want to be able to get out of my house, room when I want to, without bothering that I will get drenched.
In search of freedom,
cannibal webs surround
silky strands of noose,
groping around the voice of music
Far from the depths of earth
grounded at the surface
surpassing all qualms of shame and guilt
Heavens laugh,
hell smirks its beckoning seduction
earthly raindrops felt on the face of innocence
no more alive, no more death
all for act of loosened bond chains
key to the portal disappeared, faint.
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