Emotions inside come gushing out
Front my face faces his world
With no remorse or prejudice
A mere futile attempt at understanding
Truth half masked with black laced cloth
Shrouded in agony of betrayal
Eyes exempt glory or joy
Chosen path thrust on unyielding hands
Shaped me, shaped in me, shaped for me
Seen through the vacant spaces
Vacant eyes search for blood to spill
A time will arrive
A time to die and a time to kill.
I had lost touch with her after my tenth board exams. I changed my school and she remained in ours. We were a team. Though we had friends at the end of a tiring, boring day we would walk back together, home. That was the thing those days. Kids who went by bus, school van, cycle and then it was us who walked home.
This was our routine. Come along whoever may- After the van left, bicycles whizzed past we started walking. Passing that bakery whose name has faded from my memory now, laughing at the fact as to how that guy can have a crush on an 8th std kid from our class. Unbelievable. Sheesh!
Further down was AA traders. Stationery, I was always crazy about it. I am not sure about her. But I still remember how neat her table always was. Whatever time you walked into her room it was neat. I cleared up things when I know someone is coming home. Or my room is a mess, like me! She accepted me the way I was. Or I think she did. She never complained so I take it as a no.
Moving along after crossing the road towards Easwari library. She introduced me to Hardy boys and Sherlock Holmes. I realized I am interested in guys solving mindless games rather than using the power of deduction. Elementary don't you think??? At this point I clearly remember 'our tree', the peepul tree which many believed that if you yawned under one the ghosts would enter and create stomach related problems. We always yawned loudly. It wasn't difficult soon after history classes ending at 4PM.
Then came the MRF shop. If we were lucky, we would see a black Sera parked in its garage. We used to stand there and make great announcements like 'When I grow up and earn a lot of money I will buy this car...' =) I still do the same. We all do.
We passed Gaudiya Matt in silence. It was off our path. I don't remember whether she was religious or not. I know she prayed. I know we have had innumerable conversations about life and existence. But I never asked her whether she believed in God. I am sure she did. Just like me. Faith exists in the name of God.
This I consider my most fun part of the daily journey- Bank ATM. It had a small path for the vehicles, like passing through a Mac Donalds or Burger King in the films. Take away types. We used to walk in to that. Randomly press numbers and run for our lives... Ran like there was a fat, ugly policeman with lathi charging at us. Ran like there was no tomorrow.
Her house was opposite a palace bungalow. Never knew who came and went. Felt sad for them from time to time. Other times thought they might be knowing the most influential people in the city and sighed! We had a custom made goodbye message. She was my Lion and I was the Lioness. Back Back. Never said bye.
She was the rebel. I was double thinking. She was brilliant. I was in the shadow. She still is. I am in a different shadow. She was frank and straightforward. I was mellow and tried hard not to trample on others feelings. We were so different. Had so many disagreements. Fights after fights. But I felt incomplete without her. I felt jealous at times when she was with her gang. I had mine. Don't know whether she felt that we could have spent more time together. I am sure she did. Reaching home we would call each other to say that we reached and the day's recap would begin. This time with detailed analysis. R O S H N I .... Her mother used to yell and ANU!!! My mom snapped. Reluctantly the phone was disconnected.
I miss her. I did meet her when I was in the other school, when I joined engineering, left it and when I came to Chennai from Christ. I am sure we spoke based on the memories of old. Wonder whether we would have any connection now. I do not know where she is. I went to her house. The watchman said they had moved and not given a forwarding address.
These flashes of her appear when I am alone. She was my first Best friend whom I was nothing like. Same difference. What same? What difference? Walking never was in my interest list. Now I walk in to this lush green park and think of her.
What if I bumped into her on the tube?
What if she called me up in
A mail from her in my inbox?
A scrap in my orkut?
I nod my head in disapproval at my pathetic try at making it sound like a miracle out of a film scene. In the near distance I see a person approaching me. My heart beats faster. Miracles do happen, right? Dreams do come true, right? Yeah Right!!! The figure begins to take shape. I see her.
When she gets closer, she says, “I am in need of a friend, would you be mine?”
“Yes”, I tell her. “But please answer this question. Do you believe in God?”
