This isnt Goodbye

22 May, 2007

I detest good byes. And this past year I have been bidding farewell to the old life I had. I can not proclaim to say that I don’t mind the change cause I haven’t changed much. From school to another, I wanted to and so did the career path change. London came as a surprise and a quick one at that. I did not have time to realise the gravity of the situation, where I will be physically not present in my friend’s lives as they jump in to jobs after college and that’s a whole other ball game. Never once did I care to think how I was going to keep in touch. I did not know about the internet in the halls, degree of accessibility of the library etc. In theory I did. But I wasn’t clear till I came here. I knew that I could keep in touch with my friends and them with me as they worked with the internet and so did I. What I did not foresee was that I was becoming unsociable to the people in my new university.

Now when I think back, I have realised how much effect proximity of living can cause. One floor up and one down, a block away, the parallel street and the closeness grow. Prude left today in the morning, back to India. I am going to miss her like crazy. I wanted to get up and go with her to the airport. I knew I would burst out crying. Or this is what I told myself because I was sleepy. Either ways as my friend said, you crying is our thing. And I know how it feels to use the “our thing” with other people, another person, as special as they are to you, respect for the other refrained me. Or this is what I told myself because I did not seem to feel any loss.

Am I stone hearted? I just do not consider distance as a tool for separation. I just can not accept it. I am probably naïve. I probably have taken everything I left behind for granted. Everything that has left me, for granted. Will they come back to me one day? What guarantee do I have of that? Will I be able to go back to them? Acceptance is not a question, will the step be taken that is.

Dedicated to Prude who became one of my best friends given the limited time. We did find lots of things in common, but I wish we would have the time and space to grow together more.
and Also to Suzie, who became my friend n whom I thought would be the last person I would get to meet this soon considering the fact that she lives in Bahrain and it would mean to spend a lot to make a trip to India at any point of time. and to Vidi, this isnt goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isnt goodbye...

Precious is the time we have
Precious is the time we are alive
cherish and love are cliched
but never proved wrong!

3 Scribbles:

pRicky said...

You know if you would read every post you have written on this subject you would see that you have for once written exactly what I kept teling you that you werent writing there.
in essence, you will have the answers soon

Prude said...

This isn't goodbye...NO WAY BABE!!! muah thanks...i was glad u didn't come to the airport either...I hate good byes...and crying isn't done!!;) Will be back before u know it and den u'll say..."vandudthu!!" he he

Me Thinks.. said...

honest post.. i cant write stuff like this..bu i relate to it so much, cos i felt exacty the same way u did...

pricky is more often than not, right about these things...

Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees