Bark and Leash

16 May, 2009

I have always left first.

I left my mom, father, school and college friends first. I stepped out of my home, and found my comfort zone in the world. Was I detached? I asked myself this question a hundred million times. Yes was my answer a few times. I made the place I went to, home. Cozy, surrounded with friends and an abundant supply of love along with many moments to cherish. I wasn't detached cause I knew that I am like a goat tied to a tree with a really long leash. I could go anywhere I wish and still be attached.

But still, I left first. With no regret in my heart, with no fear of the unknown and no sadness of missing anyone. I had everyone.

I left London, which till date feels like my second home. I can close my eyes and picture myself going through Baker street train station from one of my campuses. Walking along the muddy Thames. I grumbled about how the Parliament was so close but Thames still dirty. I grumbled about minimum wage, I debated whether the Guardian was better or the Independent. I wished to join the RSPCA or the British Heart Foundation. Neither happened. It was so me not to make my mind up.

I did not want orange juice with bits in it, pulp was too pulpy. gooey!

Now all I want is OJ with bits in them. I love them right now. This is my home now.

I still left first. From London. I don't remember anyone who returned to India before me. My friend went back to Germany and my coffee went cold. But I dint feel alone. I particularly was not ecstatic too turn and find a bunch of sullen face bidding me farewell. Although, I couldnt imagine myself being one among the sullen faces. I left the place first.

But now... I am the one left behind. By not one, not two but five favorite people in my life. My two best friends have left the country. My mom and another best friend have moved to a different city and today my roommate left for a month to NY. I know its a month. It is movement.

I haven't left the building, I came back.

I am dragging that tree at this time and the leash is strangling me...

2 Scribbles:

jus me... said...

Sigh. Second that.
We never thought coming back wasn't something we wouldn't want.

Tsu said...

sigh!!!

I cant get it outta my mind!

Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees