07 July, 2009

I obsess. A lot! But I don’t like obsessing. For me, it means trying to, or trying for something that I know that I might not get. This means I am in denial. And how can anyone be in denial if they know that what they think is reality is not it?

I am highly annoyed with what life has got staring at my face right now. I have always made my life decisions on my own terms. I did, once, deviate. But that did not last long and I hope this one doesn’t too. My younger cousin sister, my first cousin, is getting engaged next month. I am very happy for her and I am sure that I am not ready for marriage right now so I am glad that I am not in her shoes. I am, which I cannot completely deny, jealous of her. She and many of my friends hail from families who are orthodox, who wanted them to conform to a particular set rules, to follow their parents lead and most of all – not to fall in love with some one be it from the same cast, sect or otherwise. And, in the end, these are the same girls who found love and married a guy without their parents’ complete blessings.

I don’t think I had that problem, given the fact that my parents had a marriage of their own accord. They have always given me the freedom and believed that I would make the right choice as I have done with many other paths in my life. But, here I am stuck with the cruel truth that it has come down to letting my parents choose the guy I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I cannot, just cannot accept that I have to let my parents take the decision for me. Or even give me the options. I feel I have always created my options. Did I want to do Engineering? Or Journalism? Those two were my options for my life. Did I want to continue with biology or take Computer science, was a decision I gave myself to take. So I am just not able to digest this and hence I don’t feel like getting hitched to someone who my parents bring home.

Grrrr….. freaking pissed!


5 Scribbles:

jus me... said...

yup i know what u mean. it is a little freaky, a lot irritating and a lil sad.
and raises the tiny question - would this happen if we 'conformed'. don't think so.

Prude said...


Look at it this way. You are making the choice here. You are making a conscious choice of allowing them to introduce you to people. We have in our hands the power to decide how and where we would like to meet someone and whom to love. Even here fate plays a role but this choice is ours. You have simply made a CHOICE of allowing your parents to introduce you to guys...you could have chosen to meet someone through friends or at parties or anywhere...maybe you choose all of these. So the choice is yours. Ultimately now that you have chosen to allow your parents to look, you will also choose whom to give your heart to and pledge your life to. The choice has been made by you and is yours. So if you choose not to meet someone through your parents you don't have to. Remember they are simply a channel...who you decide to pledge yourself to is your call and left to your heart.

Take a deep breath and look around. Has anyone ever been able to force Tsu to do anything she doesn't want to? No. It won't happen this time either. Hugs...

crumbs said...

ah...seems like it's the same rocky boat we are all in, huh?
but I agree with Prude...or at least I sincerely want to!

Tsu said...

@Jus me: I don think so either
@Prude: I am not going to look or meet guys, but the situation is such that they are doing all that they can to hint the coming! I am sorry, I am unable to understand what u are trying to tell me. Try to be in my position you will get it! I cannot say I don want to see guys, I cannot say I dont wannto get married, they will ask me what is my plan b? I have not got my choices out there... my answer of I am waiting for my true love JUST WONT FLY!!!
@Crumbs: really dude?? can u not understand???

jus me... said...

I thiiiink what Prude is tryin to say is look at ur parents introducing u to a guy like a blind date your friends wud've set u up on. You don't have to marry the guy cuz u meet him but you can jus meet him. And maybe... true love is there. if not... maybe michael vartan is.
You do not have to say directly you do not want to get married... just make a long list of things the guy gotta have. not really remedies but this doesn't have a one-shot solution either.

Raise your Shoulders and Fall back on your Knees, Piss through a Dime For the Whole World Sees