Question and answer

06 March, 2007

why do I always run away before it starts?
why do I take a chance when I know it isnt meant to be?
I know that there is nt a future to it, I go ahead! Head on...
When I know there is an end to this, I hold back.

What is this obssession with the unknown and boredom with the known. Curiosity, sometimes. Excitement, for how long? Bound to leave me in Confusion, which I dont appreciate.

I think of all people I am the most committment phobic in the world. I mean I know that I usually have complete confidence in myself, in the sense if I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions however wrong the results are or let me put it this way, however the result has deflected from the expected. Taking life as it comes is a different thing. This is like I am studying post grad do get a MA.

If it feels right, it most probably is. I dont get that feeling cuz I have this perpetual doubt of things going wrong all the time. I always have a plan B. That might be a wise thing to do but, its like we all knw that one day we are going to die but we dont live life thinkin we will die one day right? Then why do I question the end when it has not yet begun???
I am not pessimistic.

I ask for loyalty. will I be loyal?
Yes, the passion dies away so will it be like I am in and there is no way out but stay???
I am not throwing questions at life. I am at myself.
I am no different from the person I critisize about being callous of other people's feelings cuz I am the same for others.
Where have I Begun?

9 Scribbles:

moontalk said...

wat a streaming pile of horse shit :P
this just sounds like u re trying to convince urself and everyone else.
don't try to analyze that so much mate, there is nothing to it.
we do not reach to different situations differently cos we change, but just cos different people need to be treated differently.
okay, now thats a confusing statement if there ever was one.
wat i'm trying to say here is, that you are overestimating your reactions to the two situations (this i'm saying under the assumption that i know wat those are) they are two different things, and by comparing the two i think u re being slightly unfair.
don't try and dissect every thought, every feeling that comes into your mind.it will only drive you crazy.
and i dont think ur obsession with running away has got anything to do with committment phobia as such. its just that u can't convince your self to take that chance again...old baggage, new journey deal
okay...a comment longer than the post.see if i can make any meaning in this!:O)
all i'd say is, some chances are worth takeing, some are just not. when u figure out which one are, then u've learnt to live.but then, u never will, if u re scared of mistakes.
thus spake the wise one ;)

ujju said...

correction. I AM the biggest commitment phobic in the world. if u wish, u may share the title.
ah..wher do i begin/..i do not knwo how i can survive if i do not have a plan b. and i dont see this need people have of not having one! as for people and commitment..just wht is so bloody wrong in being attched anyway? someday we shoudl be..how hollow would lives be if we are all lead by wherever we feel like doing that day? then maybe we should all live like animals in..ok not animals..maybe algae or amoeba...taking life as it comes and without attachments too.

ujju said...

btw..awesome template! too much wonly:D

Prude said...

hmmm....this is the first in ur face direct post of urs i've read! :) Everyone has these doubts anu don't worry...by experience u know ur both impulsive and careful...when u need to let go you will. :)
Love the template...very you!!

Tsu said...

@moontalk: i am not takin the old "baggage" into consideration at all. i am askin how will i know which is worthit. the previous one also was, what i felt, worth it to me. i feel i am more willin to take a chance when i slightly know tht ther is not much of a chance of it happening!
@ujju: i want one plan to be A B C and all the combinations. the point is which one ???
@prude: takin my first chance by being on the face, here and now!
@all: i love my template... summer is on the way and my fav flower is the sunflower, mexican sunflower!!! blissfully colorful

Manoj said...

Am :) coz of the new template.. Much better than the prev one....

Am :( coz of the extra confusion you in mind :D

You ask a question.. You answer the question and then get back to another question...

Gal !! Thinking too much about something that does not really matter aint going to get anyone anywhere :)

All go through this phase.. Move ahead.. Lots more to achieve in life !!

Good to see another post here so soon..

Cheers....

pRicky said...

Sod it!!!
worth is what u feel is.
It isnr about knowledge of what is worth but about the feeling u attribute.
;-D this way or that you will pick an option and an assumption is all that u cary with you either way.
grass is greener from either side of the fence...
umm think of a relationship in terms of a pile of garbage... the longer the smellier and henceforth, thus and therefore... the longer it is around the quality of garbage to stink enhances, similarly relationships can exist over prolonged and consistent chemistry of organic matter.
its about reactions and products.
but we can also examine the above example with say a wine... the older the better... and likewise with your questions.
also it can be examined with HTML in mind and well there are other concepts I have but ummm... lets do this over coffee... when are u getting back to India anyhow???
Cant keep in touch huh?? * very very disapproving vigrous shaking of head*

Me Thinks.. said...

I can actually see you talking to me about this whole deal...its very natural of you to feel the way you do..abt loyality,hmm nothing much can be said cos its all in your hands...you can take it whichever way you wnat..if you know what i mean..

Tsu said...

@manoj: will move on.. ther is nowher to go but frward!!!:)
@pricky: too complicated ...
@mt: yeah i guess so, but when iam giving the whole of mankind the leeway that they are times wher u can make a mistake, deflect... but i know that there is another person's life and love at stake there!!!

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