She breezed through the door. Sheila had all reasons to be happy. It was after all her wedding day. Though she did not know the guy she was marrying, the few meetings they had had with hovering eyes all around had made her decide that she would not have a problem marrying him. Harsh seemed to be a nice guy…
… hurriedly Sheila ran across the road. She was meeting Harsh for dinner. Her shoes were soiled due to the rain puddles that have formed everywhere. The places Harsh always chose needed to match his image or the image he wanted to project- in appearance, in location, in ambience and in service and in price range. High class, he said, was bestowed on a lucky few and we being one of the very few lucky people needed to enjoy our privileges. She never understood why. She was brought up in a well-to-do family who went to “nice places” yet they also did stop by a random small shop to dhaba to grab a bite. Nevertheless, she enjoyed going out with Harsh. He was a real gentleman.
Shammi: Let’s go somewhere “nice”.
Sheila: What are you talking about ra? I love eating in these road side dhabas and our favourite hang out The Corner Shop. Their Bhel Puris .. Yummmyy and you want to go to some place “nice” where we need to wear pretty dress, look and act elegant when all of us are such tom boys???
Shammi: This is just practice for when we get rich boyfriends.
Sheila: You mean when you get a really high paid job?
Shammi: Haan haan when that happens!
Sheila gushed when she saw Harsh looking at his watch impatiently waiting for his wife, waving at her when he realized she was walking to wards him and stood up to kiss her cheek. A bouquet of flowers; he knew how to bring a smile on her face.
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She was guzzling down a lot of water. This is not happening she thought to herself. She was resigning to the fate that awaited her, a young death in the coldness of the water. Desperately, Sheila forced to think of her life lived. “That’s what they say don’t they? Your whole life flashes in front of your eyes?” BLANK! All that she can think is how do I survive? Promising a million “to-do-things-if-I-ever-get-out” she felt a hand slide up her arm and pull her. She felt the same hands on her chest, forcing out the water in her lungs, the same hands slapping her face back to reality…
…The same hands now are in hers. Sheila did something that she never imagined ever doing-defying her parents to marry a guy she loved. Mark was an estate owner who during his part time looks over his adventure sports club. “He will get killed one day and he will take you along with him”. Parents, what will they know? He is so adventurous. Life will be one long party and I will get to be the centre of attraction. Isn’t that just great?
Tara: C’mon Sheila. Have some fun with us. You are young and this is the time you can experiment and be adventurous. When else in your boring corporate life are you planning on taking a risk?
Sheila: Calculated risks, of course, very soon but not something that could kill me.
Tara: She will take a risk by not using a condom when she wants to get preggnnaannnttt.. That’s about all risks Sheila will take. Boring you!
Sheila: Ya ya.. say what you want to. I am going to be your chauffer home. Ok?
She smiled weakly. I knew you would come and rescue me, Mark!
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“Catch the train; get to work, be hidden behind all the paper work that needs to be converted into computer friendly document (double the amount of the work!), get yelled at by boss; get yelled at by super boss; finish work half way and then catch the same train back home. Now the train is filled with more smelly people on board, after a hard days work!” Then, I come back home to a screaming child and a lazy husband. Is this what my life has come to? I had so many dreams and wishes of going abroad and meeting new people, having a cute little home with a dog or a cat. Shit what am I doing here? Swaroop looks around with unnerving calmness. He has seen this rage before. Shhhhh.. calm down Sheila. We are leaving this place in a week. Your term here is nearly done. You have your money and me. We will fly away like to birds to a place where there is no one to bother. Just you and me.
Sheila: I cannot believe we are having this conversation the eve of your marriage. Farah how can you sit here and tell me that if you don’t like the life with your husband that you will run away with your current boy friend? It means that you are not only entering a marriage but also not letting go of the old one.
Farah: I know that I cannot run away from this now. But then if the responsibility of me is shifted from my parents to the new guy he will get blamed and I really do not care about him!!!
Sheila; I am truly sorry for you!
I have had enough of thinking of other people and how they will feel and what they would have to say about my each move. I want to live the way I want to and the person I want to be with. And this time it is NOT my husband or child. Good bye sweetheart goodbye…
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Dear Diary,
I got up today with a smile on my face. I walked the dog yesterday in the night, sang a song to it while I was skipping through the imaginary fields in my garden. I have an appointment with the dentist for a wisdom tooth extraction. Horrible. I never thought I can have a phobia to something or someone. Well after quarter of my life’s existence I have found one. I giggled to myself at this thought. How my poodle jumps and squeals at the sight of a spider! And to make him think that he is the man of the house!!! Ha at times I wonder how I manage that. Well its like a silent truth that will not be acknowledged at home. I can live with that. But it does bring a smile on my face.
James, are you done??? It is just an insect. I need to get dressed. My macho man, come out of the bath soon, please!
Also, I need to supervise Mary’s work. The new maid, lazy as you can get. I never, in my silliest imagination, considered running a house to be a Herculean task. I saw my mother working and maintain the house. I am not working and still it takes the life out of me. Well, I do have recreational activities like visiting the parlor, dance practice sessions and then teach aerobics in the evenings. I love my simple, cozy life.
Signing off, Sheila SenGupta
Interviewer: I like your spirit and see that you are willing to work in shifts, which means forgoing your social life. Is that not demotivating?
Sheila: I am so career-oriented woman that I would love to dedicate my whole life to a company and the corporate sector. Domestic life, looking after children, nurturing a family is not in my blood. I am cut out for business life. Excitement, I derive from using my skills and qualifications.
Interviewer: So what are your other interests in life? And where do you see yourself in five years from now?
Sheila: I love dancing and I used to be a trainer in a college near my home. But now I have stopped it. I see myself in your organization in a high rank as I am interested in growing with the company and I have no time for pansies who are not willing to take risks for the growth of the company.
I got up to a scream emanating from the bathroom. “Cockroach”, I thought. I smiled as I woke up.
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Everyone in this planet is trying to live only to be happy and this can sometimes come at a cost. People do pay a price for things they want. But then does the end justify the means? All for one and one for all.
I am all. I am none. Maybe I am just me!
