Pangs

I was on my own now. I did not miss home and I accepted the fact that I might one day. I still do not feel the need or want to get back to the life I once had. I never could actually say honestly that I missed anyone from India. Not my mother. Ofcourse you miss people in general cause they were fitted in the jig saw routine in your life. Probably I will miss walking in to the room and find shashank on his computer.

You miss people because you are completely on your own in an unknown land. I must say I think I adapted quite fast. I used to hate(not like walkin. I was used to having my bike running around for me) walking and now I don't mind. And its not about the non-existance of another mode of transport or money saving or anyother reason but that I like it now... I also cant personally accept the fact that I can be so stiff??? that word doesnt even begin to describe the way I feel. I mean I have lived with my mother my entire life and I cant merely shrug it off by saying that she was one of the pieces in a game that I needed at that point in my life. None of them for that matter.

I had a dream last night. My mother told me that I had become very fat and a lot of static in between. In the end I did wake up from my sleep to find that I was on my side of the bed in Bangalore, facing the horse rack (as my mother calls it) which is always filled with clothes used, not used washed and dirty(cause of me, obviously!) and I was elated. I could feel the happiness. I have felt like that just one time in my life before and I know the difference. I was so happy that I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a white wall so close to my face that it wasnt any place for the horse rack.

I turned around and saw the heap on Shashank's bed soon stopped by another white wall.
I am searching for faces. Sheets. . .